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Trump Week in Review

WEEK #12 OF THE TRUMP ERA IN REVIEW, FRIDAY 4/7/17 TO THURSDAY, 4/13/17

Week 12 of The Siege found Trump waking up Friday in Mar-a-Lago as a War President, having finally gotten to “bomb the shit out of” somebody, and relishing the prospect of getting his Supreme Court nominee confirmed once the Senate changed the rules to make it a reality. He figured this was a good way to impress Chinese President Xi Yinping, who Trump insulted by not receiving him in the White House but squeezing in a rare State Visit by a Chinese leader in between rounds of golf at Mar-a-Lago during a 4-day weekend, and casually let Xi know about the missile attack over dinner.

It turned out that Trump had warned the Russians and Syrians of the attack, so $90 million worth of cruise missiles landed on an empty airstrip (the Syrian Air Force used the airbase again the very next day), so naturally the whole world was calling him a weak puppet of Putin once again (including the Chinese president the moment he left America). After carefully explaining the history of Chinese-Korean relations to President Trump spanning a thousand year period, Trump’s only response was to say it was “very complicated,” and absently wondering when he would be served chocolate cake. President Xi had spent 2 days meeting with Trump and his cabinet, and gave a very realistic assessment of Trump’s Dog & Pony Show. Suffice to say that Xi was not impressed, and as deeply horrified as every other World leader who has had any dealings with the shallow and frighteningly uninformed Donald Trump.

His ego bruised because his fake Syria attack exposed him as a weak bumbler and a rank amateur on the world stage, Trump sent a war fleet steaming towards North Korea, flirting with global nuclear holocaust just to nurse his fragile ego. His press Secretary Sean Spicer didn’t help Trump’s mood when on (!) the first day of Passover he forgot that Hitler killed a whole lot of his Jewish countrymen with chemical weapons, and his Secretary of State Rex Tillerson irritated Trump’s BFF Vlad. He also consoled himself by taking more things away from losers like poor women, children and injured veterans, and ordering another airstrike in Syria, once again harming no one in Assad’s army, but killing 18 American allies by mistake. Trump shrugged that off, figuring what the hell, we have no idea whose side we’re on anyways so let’s not quibble and just keep dropping bombs to impress the ignorant goobers who voted for him and applaud every executive order he signs designed to seriously harm them and their families, like the watering down of Obamacare he ordered before calling in sick and flying to Florida a day early.

Apparently, neither his Syrian bombing attacks, his Scrooge-like Executive orders, or any of his jugglers and clowns could cheer Trump up, so on Thursday he took matters into his own hands and commanded the military to drop the biggest non-nuclear bomb in the world on a suspected ISIS compound in Afghanistan, 22,000 pounds of Hell Fury raising a 10-mile mushroom cloud and absolutely terrifying the entire planet when they realized there’s no way for Trump to top that but going full thermonuclear. He and his insane tyrant counterpart Kim Jong Un of North Korea traded agitated annihilation threats all afternoon before the president shrugged that off too and left for Florida a day early to get it some Easter weekend golfing, since there is nothing real to Trump except Trump; his wants, his whims, his golf and his cake. A traumatized world breaks for Easter praying for something that ordinarily would not occur to them, a coup d’état in Washington, DC.

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