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Humor, Politics

STUPID QUESTIONS

"Do you believe in the American flag?" That was an actual question posed to a presidential candidate in a nationally televised debate the other night. Why not ask them their favorite color while they're at it? Or the classic: "If you could be any animal, which animal would you be?" That ought to clear up up who's more suited to being president, eh? Or keep hammering them on the American flag lapel pin issue, that's a real beaut. Make no mention of the cheapening of our flag by turning it onto a faddish wardrobe accessory, instead wonder out loud whether or not those who choose not to wear them are traitors. That's how TV politics a conducted, right? And who better to decide the parameters of political discussion in this nation than a bunch of tele-prompter reading bozos who can't think of anything remotely intelligent to ask a potential president?

Why jeopardize ratings with serious discussions? By all means, let's make our political campaigns as trivial and superficial as we can and invent as many phony issues as possible. Let's see if we can top the act of making a decorated war hero like John Kerry look like a traitor and a deserter like Bush the Younger look like a hero. That was a neat trick. The fact that none of it was true is beside the point, isn't it? It was more fun for the TV hacks than actually having to think. Let's see how they can paint John McCain as a man of integrity when he left no jackboot unlicked in order to gain the Republican nomination. John Edwards turned out to be easy to discredit. Who the hell did he think he was, running a campaign all about issues. Didn't he get the memo that issues are so last century?

And by all mean let's keep asking Senator Obama and Senator Clinton if they'd settle for being Vice President? Everybody already knows the answer to that one but they persist in wasting valuable TV time with distraction and distortion, thus sparing everybody the brain-busting chore of having detailed talks on the economy, the war, energy, taxes, poverty and a concrete plan for America's future. That's a relief, eh? We'll just pick somebody who looks presidential and acts the part well on televisions, like daft old Ronnie Reagan. That would sure rule out Abe Lincoln, but what the hell, who needs another Lincoln, we had one already. This is the time of the TV presidents. so let's just get the insane judges from American Idol to moderate the debates from now on. Make them sing and dance for us too when they're not answering questions about nothing.

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