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DEFINITIONS

What is "Old Money?" That's when you're lucky enough to be born into a family that had a smart guy in it a long time ago, somebody really good at making money. Fortunately for them he was so good at it there's still plenty left for his not-so-smart descendants. What is "New Money?" That's when you're the smart one. Funny how old money people look down new money people. Odds are the new money people are a lot more interesting, dynamic and intelligent.

What is "Compassionate Conservatism" but an admission that conservatism is usually a compassion-free zone? Otherwise there would be no need to invent a distinction. You don't hear liberals talking about Compassionate Liberalism. The whole point of being a liberal is caring about the other guy. The point of being conservative? You tell me. You want to be conservative, fine, be conservative. Just don't apologize for it by inventing a new qualifying distinction. And if you want to be a Fascist just say so, don't hide behind some "Neo-Conservative" or "Christian Values" label. This is America and you're allowed to be any sort of jackass you feel like being. As vile as the White Supremacists are, at least they have the balls to admit what they are just with their self-bestowed title. People are not stupid and they know exactly what you stand for no matter how you try to spin the truth with a new definition.

What the hell does "Politically Correct" mean? Politics is not math, where there's only one correct answer for 2 plus 2. Poltically Correct is a phrase invented by Chinese Communists back in the 1960's to enforce complete adherence to their government's world view. Politically "incorrect" people were arrested and sent to "re-education" camps where they were basically tortured and brainwashed until they fell into line with the prevailing wisdom. It worked too, if you remember those days when a billion Chinese all wore the same drab grey suits and little caps and the whole place was a backward and poverty stricken prison of a nation where very few dared question their own government. Since those days the Chinese puppet masters have relented and let people think for themselves a little bit more. The result is China's strong and growing economy. So why would anybody in America embrace the concept of Political Correctness? Notice how the Chinese economy is heading one way while ours heads the other? So if we really go whole hog with the politically correct concept we can buy those grey suits from Chinese manufacturers. The Chinese product retail outlet Walmart will sell them at a discount.

And speaking of definitions, what's going on with our music? Can anybody tell me what "Neo-traditional country" is supposed to sound like? Or "Alternative?" An alternative to what? Talent? And what is "Death Metal?" I thought that's what bullets were. How about "Gangsta Rap?" How is that different from Rap when there are no actual gangsters making that music? Guys who play doctors on TV don't get to be called "Medical Actors." If some of the Gangsta rappers used to be gangsters, well, they're not anymore. They're entertainers now. No matter how much anybody likes to play cowboy, they're not cowboys. There are still some people around whose job is cowboy and they don't pretend to be astronauts or firemen. Or gangsters either for that matter. They pretty much just tend to the cows and do whatever else it is that cowboys do.

And what's the deal with "quality time?" Isn't that just a phrase to make yourself feel better about the fact that you can't stand to spend all that much time with your own damned kids? Where's the "quality" in a squeezed-in little slice of your hectic schedule? Some of my best memories of my parents had nothing to do with any sort of contrived quality time, instead just being around them with no particular mission to accomplish and no pressure to create a meaningful experience. Quality time sounds vaguely unpleasant to me, sort of like having to spend an afternoon with an uncle you didn't like all that much.

And what's with "Play Dates?" That used to be called going outside and seeing who was around, deciding on your own what sort of games to play or what mischief you could get into. If nothing interesting was going on you went back in the house. Simple. Why are we messing with our kids? Can't we let them have that little window of life called childhood? Don't worry, they'll be stressed out grownups just like us soon enough. Don't rush them and don't put so much pressure on their little brains. You take their fun away and that'll just give them one more good reason to hate your controlling ass.

Maybe we should stop trying to redefine life. Last I checked that's not in our power. We sure as hell can enjoy life, it's not as grim as all that. It just seems like a big waste of time to relabel the wheel. It's a wheel and nothing else. Calling it "Downsizing" doesn't make getting fired feel any better. Being "Physically Challenged" doesn't make being handicapped more pleasant. That redefinition just makes those who are not crippled feel better about themselves with no change at all in the status of the afflicted. "Changing Economic Realities" still means a recession that makes more poor people. Are "People of Color" not black or brown anymore? And aren't "Media Consultants" still public relations hacks whose job it is to relabel shit as fertilizer? Yes, yes they are.

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