President Nowwhat was in a bind opening up Week 31. How would he top Week #30, where the threat of thermonuclear war was only the second-craziest thing that happened? Clearly, bold action was required.

So on Friday, day 1 of week 31, right off the bat Trump fired Chief Strategist and Trump Whisperer Steve Bannon, kind of like The Monster firing Dr. Frankenstein, making global headlines. Bannon returned to Breitbart News that same day, where he immediately declared war on the Trump Administration.

Bannon was as a woman scorned, wondering who will be Trump’s trophy Chief Strategist. Will he know when to throw the next Reince Preibus under the bus, will he know just the right words to the launch codes for a Trump temper tantrum when a major distraction is required ASAP? Will his Eczema ever clear up?

After Bannon’s firing, the remaining inner circle at the Trump White House consists of the Trump Family, Kellyanne Conway and one pissed off Marine determined to hammer out some semblance of protocol in the Oval Office, previously open to anyone who cared to pop in with the latest Twitter rumor or National Enquirer article claiming fog is generated by North Korea just to annoy the crap out of the rest of the world.

So you’re thinking; this is not so bad, the latest round of White House firings coupled with General Kelly’s stewardship signal a welcome change from chaos, and a bold step to establish governmental stability, right?

Who are we kidding? This is President Trump, a man so incensed that a dramatic and fascinating solar eclipse replaced his name in the headlines that he got into a staring contest with the sun, so let’s not get optimistic or anything. He’s been trying to outshine the sun his whole life, so what better time than when the moon was blotting out its light? Trump’s Week #31 was taking shape.

Sunday, Trump announced he would have a major announcement about the war in Afghanistan on Monday (reminding those of us who forgot amid the nonstop daily insanity that this man gets to make deadly serious decisions), waiting the extra day to upstage the Solar Eclipse and create his signature dramatic cliffhanger learned from the Reality TV training that defines his presidency.

Monday he delivered a speech about the Afghanistan War that was very tough sounding, but as vague as his hairline, promising only to send in more troops and to ‘win’ against those ISIS ‘losers.’ He did, however, openly reveal that we no longer care what happens to countries after we’re done bombing them, and we will take their resources to pay us back for the cost of the bombs, and didn’t mind instigating a potential nuclear war between India and Pakistan for good measure.

Also on Monday, 10 US sailors were presumed missing or lost at sea in a maritime collision, to which Trump mumbled “Too Bad,” leaving it to his people to castigate reporters who did not relay how heartfelt was his “too bad.”

Now comes the crowning achievement of Week #31, the latest of Trump’s series of Ego Boosting Rallies, this one in Phoenix, Arizona and the first one since the White Supremacy controversy shocked the nation. Here was the president’s chance to clarify his remarks on racism and help a traumatized nation heal.

Oops, wrong president! Instead, this is what he said, Trump’s exact words to his crowd:

“I hit him with neo-Nazi. I hit them with everything. I got the White Supremacists, the Neo-Nazi. I got them all in there, let’s say. KKK, we have KKK. I got them all.”

This earned the loudest cheers of the night, coupled with Trump’s promise to pardon convicted felon and Racist Poster Boy Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

Trump wound down his working vacation at his New Jersey golf resort by getting into a vulgar shouting match with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, then viciously attacking him on Twitter, along with House Speaker Paul Ryan. Trump watchers are anxiously awaiting his attack on the Supreme Court now for not rubber-stamping his entire Wish List.

Leave it to The Donald to win all three branches of government and still be unable to push his agenda forward more than an inch or two, something that sounds almost as impossible as losing money in the gambling casino business… ohwait!

There was more, but space constraints and a sensitivity to the tender stomachs of a nation gagging on its own bile says this is more than enough to digest. As we enter Hurricane Season with a budget-slasher in charge of FEMA for exactly 2 months, we look forward to Week #32 like a root canal without anesthetics.

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