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Trump Week in Review

WEEK #19 OF THE TRUMP ERA IN REVIEW, FRIDAY, 5/26/17 TO THURSDAY, 6/1/17

Where to begin with Week #19 in Trumpistan? Even by Trumpian standards it was fast and infuriating. More incriminating revelations about Russiagate, international humiliation, disastrous decisions and the usual deluge of insane lying Tweets. 

It started quietly enough on Friday, with Trump winding down his Ugly American Tour by attending the G7 meeting in Sicily, pretty much acting like the same horse’s ass he was in Brussels, Italy and the Middle East. Jet lag didn’t stop him from Tweeting that he “made and saved the USA many billions of dollars and millions of jobs,” before even attending the conference, which instead saw him being openly mocked by other world leaders for, among other things, riding in chauffeured golf cart to save a 700-yard walk, and elbowing presidents and prime ministers aside to get his face in the center of the class picture. Then he shocked the world when he left the G7 meeting with a Reality TV-style cliffhanger, telling them he would decide in a week whether or not to pull America out the Paris Climate Change Accords. No one seriously thought he would do so, figuring this was just Trump acting like a dick again.

He returned to America on Saturday to a shitstorm of brand new Russiagate allegations about multiple Trump officials, the most serious news being that his son-in-law and Senior Advisor to The President Jared Kushner is wanted for questioning by the FBI for colluding with Russian spies, a man with zero degrees of separation from the President of The United States. There was an incredible amount of flack from both the media and ordinary citizens alike about his disastrous trip abroad, his incompetent governing, the increasing certainty that almost the entire Trump Administration has been colluding with Russian spies for quite some time, the outrageous lies, the creepy leaks from inside the White House, the open corruption, the frighteningly crazy behavior of the president and the lingering stench of treason everywhere.

Things were so bad that Trump hired more criminal defense lawyers and decided to create a “War Room” in the White House to deal with the threats to his power posed by the multiple Russiagate investigations before the wheels start flying off this Runaway Trump Train. Naturally, Trump’s mentor and resident pit bull Steve Bannon will head the operation, with an able assist from the shiny eyeballs-crazy Stephen Miller, his feared enforcer.

Desperate to change the national conversation from Russiagate, Trump did two things even more outrageous. First, he decided to reopen Russian espionage compounds in Maryland and New York that were shut down by Obama, then  decided not to wait a week and announced he would indeed pull the United States out of the Paris Accords, this time unleashing shitstorms of protest and criticism from every corner of the planet.

Trump’s reasoning for betraying mankind’s future by denying Climate Change is what his reasoning has been for his entire life, this time with the bizarre twist of substituting America for himself in his mind now that he’s president. In short; “I am getting cheated by crooked people who are taking advantage of me because I’m a nice guy who’s very rich, so I will now show them and cheat all of them biglier, then stick them with the bill!” He dismissed the entire scientific community and 196 nations by claiming he could get “a better deal” on Global Warming, as if Planet Earth itself will see the light and snap out it of after negotiating with the Deal Artist in Chief. Our president makes a sad loser out of King Canute, who only tried to command the tides, not the entire planet and its atmosphere. 

He also invented a new word this week, “covfefe,” which makes as much sense as electing a game show host with serious character flaws and more issues than Readers Digest to the most powerful office on the planet, ironically a planet Trump doesn’t think is worth saving.

All this dangerous insanity is happening at such breakneck speed that to be American these days is to suffer permanent mental whiplash and exist in a perpetual state of shock, wondering when enough will finally be enough and it’s Torches & Pitchforks Time.

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