Want to earn a six figure income from the comfort of your recliner while imbibing no end of beer or wine and nibbling tasty pretzels and chips? Welcome to the club, fellow future titans of e-commerce! If we are to believe our e-mails and promotional ads that pop up everywhere on the internet, we're all just a mouse click away from sitting around in our underwear all day collecting BIG dough. How many pictures of some young dork named Travis or Parker for a first name do we have to see sipping an umbrella-drink on his luxurious deck overlooking the ocean before we get in on the gravy train of e-commerce? According to these guys it takes no more effort than making micro-wave popcorn. I'm down!

So what are we waiting for? An idea, maybe? Dang, I knew there'd be a drawback! What to sell on the internet that isn't being sold already? By nine hundred different sites, too. And cheaper than you could imagine. Well, this internet thing is still in it's infancy so all the good ideas can't have been used already, so let's brainstorm a bit here and see if we can up with some sure-fire big earning websites. The bigger the better. After all, who just wants to earn a mere living? Bah, pish and tosh and to heck with all that! You want to be rich as Travis and Parker and sit around all day between trips to the mailbox to empty it of its heavy burden of checks.

Hopefully you can hire a courier to bring this hefty daily package to your bank. Perhaps your pool boy can do this chore once he gets finished cleaning your Olympic-sized swimming pool and sleeping with your ex-model trophy wife. Or your personal maid Amber once she's done polishing your solid gold grand piano and sleeping with you. What sort of idea could sustain that sort of lavish lifestyle? There must be something out there in Dot Com land waiting for us to fully exploit its potential. I'll give you my idea but don't steal it.
That's my web address for telling people to send me one dollar. For their dollar I'll share my secret to internet success. The secret will consist of an e-mail informing them that my secret is having a whole lot of people send me a dollar via They simply forward the dollar and I make 90-something cents after Paypal takes its cut. No one will bother to sue for a lousy dollar and the e-mails to them are free so I figure I'm right around the corner from the intersection of Prosperity Avenue and Easy Street. But not to be smug, I have a few other suggestions for you hard-charging armchair entrepreneurs.
This can be a website that bombards people with annoying e-mails, but not of the Bulk/Spam variety, but regular e-mails that clog up their Inbox with irritating messages. You offer to stop it for a one-time payment of $39.99 or four easy installments of $10.99. When you are paid in full you simply stop e-mailing that person. And the more obnoxious the e-mail the greater chances of collecting your $39.99. Most of you will have no problem at all mastering the annoying e-mail, you're there already and don't even know you're sitting on a pot of gold as well as your fat duff all day getting on your friends' nerves. Branch out! Piss off thousands and thousands of people and try not to get smothered by the avalanche of cash heading your way!
On this website you offer to provide nasty insults to people that your customers are too polite or timid to attack themselves. Have some e-mailing fun while making hefty fees! You can have a sliding fee scale ranging from anonymous flips of the bird to one's boss to relationship breakup e-mails to just telling somebody your client hates where to get off in some very odious terms. Here's a good slot for those creative writers out there wasting their time doing tedious research and writing boring articles in the vain hope some publisher will buy your boring novel. Face it Jack, you're not the next Hemingway and the only way you're going to see Steven King money is to sharpen your virtual claws and spread some real venom by creating the nastiest website out there. Again, this idea is tailor made for many writers whose only talent lies in tearing others to shreds. Go get 'em, Mr. Grinch!
Another site for writers who can provide lazy people thank you notes for gifts or favors received. They can be form letters to say, Grandma for that neat scarf and sweat socks she sent you for Christmas, to people who invited you for a weekend at their country house or for that generous donor of that lifesaving kidney you recently received. Your thank yous can be in the form of an e-mail or for an extra few bucks an actual letter they can download and print out and mail as if they had bothered to do it themselves! Note: Get busy right now since Christmas just passed and the thank you notes are flying! And lazy people being what they are, the Christmas thank you season extends well into Springtime. Good luck!
Young computer-savvy entrepreneurs, take notice! A lot of older people have all sorts of trouble using their computers properly. You see, they grew up in a time when the most complicated appliance in the house was the toaster and so they are fairly helpless doing most things on a computer. Write a manual explaining the obvious to tech-challenged computer users. Promise them the answers on how to use their computers with the ease of a pre-teen. The beauty of this idea is that the manuals need not be true! When they buy your expensive booklet or downloadable tutorial and still can't make heads or tales out F-12 or Command Z they will blame themselves and never seek a refund. Not only that, a goodly portion of them will ask to buy more information from you to explain what they couldn't understand in the first place. Customers for life! Better than selling drugs!
This is almost too easy for those addicted to searching the web. Make your obsession pay! You simply scan all the dating service websites and match up people from one site to those in another, always picking the obvious hard sells on each site. For a fee you introduce them electronically, collecting from both parties for the privilege of meeting an even bigger loser then they are! Of course they will both be equally repellent people but you sell them to each other as someone who's going to make their sorry asses look good! And the great thing about this idea is that by definition the people who seek companionship on a website are almost all incredible losers. You'll be tripping over eyesores and dullards eager to meet somebody dumb enough to date them! Lazy eye? No Prob, Bob, Suzies got a hare-lip! A wooden leg, Peg? Piece of cake, Jimmy's got a comb-over and purple birthmark shaped like Finland on his fat forehead! Acne scars, shmacne scars, Georgie
boy I've got a lovely lady for you nicknamed Buffalina who's just a tad overweight, by about 300 pounds! You're gonna look like George Clooney next to her, buddy. Tourette's syndrome, Millie? You'll look like Emily Post compared to Spike, who never bathes and lives to be cursed at and spat upon. A match made in heaven! These matches may not result in marriages, but look at the self-esteem you'll be promoting in these people while you get rich off their misery. How rewarding is that?

Well, there's a few platinum ideas in just a little bit of time with the old grey cells brainstorming up some big piles of currency. I hope those who take my advice cut me in for a commission or at least a finder's fee. I can even see some billion dollar IPO's in the very near future. So, fellow internet moguls, let me know what ideas you have for getting really rich really quick. So far as I can tell, the World Wide Web's still wide open. Get busy and I'll meet you by the pool this time next year! Maybe I'll introduce you to my incredibly attractive personal maid Amber.

P.S. Attention faithful readers of! Send me one dollar, yes you read that right, just one American dollar and I will tell you the secret to get rich quick. Simply click on the CONTACT page of this web sire and with your credit card and Paypal account send me a dollar via e-mail. It's just that easy! Once the transaction has been cleared I will e-mail you the simple secret of my success. Act now and get nothing extra! (What do you want for a buck, you greedy bastard!)

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