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Humor, Politics

DREAD DISEASES OF MODERN TIMES

Apparently the world did not have enough diseases for the pharmaceutical corporations' satisfaction so they've taken to inventing them. Not content with labeling helpless children as chronically ill with all sorts of dubious syndromes, including the dread disease of shaking one leg when bored in class (true story), they correctly figured that the gullible parents of these kids who allowed their own children to be drugged into zombie land to be ripe for virtual diagnoses of all kinds of previously unknown syndromes and conditions. Repeat a lie often enough…

Like that whole AADD deal, Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. What the hell is up with that? Of course people have a short attention span when it comes to the blatherings of psuedo-scientists sharing their "findings" with the world when those findings are convoluted, ridiculous and self serving. Is here a bigger yawn on the planet than another psychological study commissioned by a giant drug company to announce that 40% of the adult population suffers from some bogus condition when the company in question just happens to manufacture the "cure" for this so-called condition? Side effects include telling the phony bastards to shut the fuck up and get back to work on a cure for cancer.

Or at least that's what the side effects should be. Instead, the P.T. Barnum's of the pharmaceutical titans have read the American public like a book. The result? That's right Mrs and Mrs. John Q. Public: ANOTHER USELESS PRODUCT FOISTED OFF ON A GULLIBLE PUBLIC! Is this a great country or what? Where else could the art of snake oil salesmanship be elevated to the status of a multi-billion dollar international corporation? The research and development laboratories are working overtime to invent drugs that do nothing but create side effects since the conditions they cure are non-existent. As far as the side effects go, well, lucky for you that these same companies manufacture plenty of other drugs to counter those nasty reactions. There's no shortage of those. And more drugs to remedy the side effects for the side effects drugs, and the side effects of those and so on, sort of a win-win-win-win-win situation for drug companies.

And what about our children? It seems that our innocent and curious little ones who trust us implicitly are absolutely riddled with disabling behavior disorders! That is, of course, if you allow that childhood itself is some some sort of extended form of aberrant behavior. And what parent hasn't thought that at times when the wee ones exasperate us no end? They're just doing their jobs when they act up. I'd worry more about a child who didn't behave oddly half the time. That's what kids do, in case these scientists don't remember. But not until recent times have we considered behavior modification drugs to control our own children. What ever happened to appreciating the joy and carefree abandon with which a child approaches life? What happened to patiently teaching them when and when not to behave rambunctiously? Who's in charge of our children, us or Doctor Feelgood?

Has anybody noticed another syndrome creeping up on us here in the good old U.S. of A? It's called DUMASS. That stands for Don't Underestimate Madison Avenue's Syndrome Salesmanship. There's also PILL, short for Personally, I Like Lethargy! And our research scientists are catching a new virus at an alarming rate. It's called SCAMM! and it stands for Science Can Make Magic! One symptom is an aversion to the brain-busting challenge of curing mankind's persistent killers like cancer, diabetes, AIDS, influenza, malaria and the like. Another sign of SCAMM is the rapid proliferation of media ads announcing a cure to a condition no one ever heard of and cannot be proven, or more importantly disproved. Other symptoms include stock portfolio addiction, an unreasonable fear of traveling by means other than private corporate jet and the development of a forked tongue.

Now I'm not a medical doctor and I admit I've never even played one on TV (A regrettable lapse and hopefully not too shameful a stain on my character), but I have had a health professional accuse me of being bi-polar and having an attention deficit and even having ADHD (!) which is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. So I looked these things up and couldn't help but notice that in my entire adult life I have exhibited approximately (hmm, let me do the math here… give or take… carry the one…scritch-scratch…gimmee a sec, here… hmmm… there, that looks about right… okay, I got it!) zero symptoms of any of these things!

So I figure either the guy's a genius at diagnosis without the benefit of any sort of medical examination, blood work, x-rays and body scans or he's full of shit. I opted for the full of shit theory and took no medications to alleviate my lack of symptoms and suffered no side effects as a result. So far so good, knock wood. I didn't seek a second opinion since I figured spending time with one idiot was plenty enough for anybody. My embarrassing lack of credentials in playing a doctor on TV notwithstanding, that's one lapse of attention I highly recommend, the tuning out of drug pushing quacks. Turns out it's a syndrome that cures itself by complete inaction and healthy skepticism if not outright disbelief.

Here's another reason not to trust pharmaceutical companies: Their massive overproduction of addictive drugs. There are many legitimate medical uses for the various pain-killers and opiates they produce. The question is, why do they produce many more times the amount of these addictive drugs than are called for medically? Talk about your drug cartels! At least the people who sell heroin, opium and cocaine are honest about what they do for a living; sell recreational drugs to people who become addicted to their product and cannot say no their prices.

There's a reason the FDA wants Purdue Pharma to cut back 95% on Oxycontin production and that is of course that 95% of their product is used recreationally by drug addicts. A lot of young people enjoy the high but find it too expensive so they switch to heroin, and everybody knows where that leads. Many don't make the switch and stay addicted to Oxycontin, which by the way is nicknamed Hillbilly Heroin. There are many more legitimate prescription drugs of this type being sold on the street or by unscrupulous doctors making a small fortune as de facto dealers. And just like heroin, these drugs are physically disabling as well as addictive.

These concoctions are even harder to kick than heroin, a notoriously hard habit to quit. An extensive detoxification program is required, one that makes the addict suffer excruciating pain and sickness and takes a very long time under careful medical supervision. Seizures, convulsions and death are not uncommon results of kicking prescription drugs. Those twenty-eight day assembly line type of rehab centers are ill-equipped to deal with those with a heavy addiction to such drugs. Many users who honestly want to quit go back to using drugs simply to escape the tortuous physical ordeal of detoxification.

So next time someone mentions the war on drugs try not to laugh too loud. It's more like the war on some drugs. Pharmaceutical companies make the South American and Asian drug cartels look like small timers. They also don't have the high overhead of having to hire smugglers to move their product around the world, paying heavily armed thugs to enforce their territories and constantly moving around their operations to avoid the authorities. I would add bribery of public officials but what else is a lobbyist other than a middleman for bribes? The drug industry has a huge and very well funded lobbying presence in every world capital. Once again the illegal drug dealers win the honesty sweepstakes by calling a spade a spade in the bribery department.

And the bosses of the pharmaceutical companies are not on any law enforcement agency's Most Wanted lists. No police try to infiltrate their ranks and no agents raid their places of business. I suppose that's why they have so much free time on their hands to invent all these dubious syndromes and conditions and then market their miracle cures for them. They will never admit that they manufacture a whole lot of drugs that, quite frankly, intentionally make people feel very good and get them high as kites. And they make so much of them that simple mathematics tells you that the vast majority of these drugs are earmarked for the black market of street drug sales and prescription mills. They must think everybody has no attention span and, sad to say, so far it looks like they're justified in that assumption. Pass the Prozac.

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