The Quote of The Week for Week #125 of The Trump Era is not Trump’s own garbled vernacular for a change, but a far more reasonable statement from Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi, interviewed in Normandy, France. “I don’t speak about the President when I’m out of the country.”
Also in Normandy that day was the President in question, currently the focus of 29 current criminal investigations, who does not adhere to the practice of refusing to bash his fellow Americans on foreign soil, instead (as usual) repeatedly mocking and demonizing political rivals and his own government’s law enforcement personnel in front of the entire world.
The week began on Friday with Trump winging his way to Merry Old England to visit the Queen, flying out of town just steps ahead of the news that his “Winter White House” Mar A Lago resort was being served legal papers, as well as “Trump Victory,” a political fundraising committee, demanding they turn over all records pertaining to Republican Party donor Li “Cindy” Yang and several of her associates and companies.
You know, the same Chinese-born American citizen with influential connections in China Cindy Lang, who made recent headlines for running a Presidential Access business out of Mar A Lago peddling access to the President, his family and powerful administration figures for huge fees to Chinese government officials and wealthy Chinese businessmen, and whose activities attracted a Chinese spy who invaded the golf resort armed with surveillance equipment and computer malware designed to sabotage official government computers? Yeah, that Cindy Yang.
While Trump was soaring high above the Atlantic, another mass shooting occurred, this time in Virginia, while his new Fixer/Attorney General William Barr was giving a televised fireside chat undermining the Department of Justice he runs and disputing the findings of Robert Mueller, even though millions of people have already read for themselves how damning is The Mueller Report to Trump and almost everyone in his erratic orbit, Barr firmly placing the president (in his own darting eyes, anyway) above the law, and implying that Robert Mueller and his team of highly respected investigators and prosecutors were in violation of (of course unnamed) laws.
Trump landed in England with almost his entire family and a good chunk of his Administration in tow, leaving only young Barron at home to be spared the tsunami of hatred and criticism for all things Trump in London, with the Brits outdoing themselves in their creative condemnation of Trump (honors go to “Witless Fucking Cocksplat” and “Mangled Apricot Hellbeast”) as they filled the streets of London in loud and lusty protest.
Unfortunately for Trump, those pesky “Enemies of the People,” journalists, filmed the proceedings and made Trump’s ever-changing claims that the protests either “did not exist” or were “small gatherings,” and thus “fake news” as, well… fake news, just as the Mueller Report revealed Trump’s similar fake news claims over the past 2 years to be as phony as his claimed weight. Between the Baby Trump Blimps, the Tweeting Toilet Trump statue and the 100,000 angry Brits calling for his head, one would think this was a State Visit by Benito Mussolini at the height of of World War 2.
The President had kept to his own personal Presidential protocol for this trip, just as he had with last week’s trip to Japan, by Tweeting out incredibly stupid and inflammatory statements about his host country even before Air Force One touched down, starting a childish feud with the Mayor of London, openly interfering with their national elections and urging the UK to stiff the European Union for $50 billion (old deadbeat habits die hard for Trump).
Then he turned a softball interview with one of his toadies Piers Morgan into a public relations disaster by calling Princess Meghan Markel “nasty,” then repeatedly denying it until confronted with the audiotape, when he tried to weasel out of it by redefining the word “nasty,” in spite of the fact that “nasty” has been his go-to word for humiliating women for as long as he has been humiliating women (his entire life for those waking from long-term comas.)
He was, however, only warming up for humiliating America, even as Great Britain rolled out the red carpet and their unequaled display of pomp and ceremony, with Elizabeth II proving her self to be the Queen of Shade when she presented Trump with the most useless gift he could ever receive, a set of books, then seated him at a State Luncheon next to Camilla-Parker Bowles, the Princess of Wales, as a reminder of how Trump had bragged how her late predecessor, the beloved Princess Diana, was “attracted to me” and that he (as if!) “could have had her anytime.”
The Queen also wore a brooch given to her by President Obama and a tiara designed to “fend off illness and evil,” as she went through the motions of entertaining a family she obviously found appalling. The images of Trump in his ill-fitting formal tuxedo went viral in a comedic explosion of memes and comments, as did his transparent attempt to portray his own vulgar family as some sort of American Royalty, all embarrassing and criminal evidence of the past several years to the contrary. The widespread criticism that American taxpayers should not be footing the bill for Trump’s children’s and in-laws’ moments in the sun was countered by claims that they will be “paying their own way” (wink-winkety-wink!), a laughable notion considering the family’s long and well-catalogued history as serial deadbeats.
On Sunday the Pentagon requested that the President stop politicizing our military, and Trump responded by immediately further politicizing the military when he backed down to Kim Jong Un and cancelled joint military exercises with South Korea in order to placate the bloodthirsty North Korean dictator, proving once again that he doesn’t have to be physically present in Washington to make a godawful mess of things.
After the pomp and circumstance of London, Trump attended a D-Day commemoration ceremony in Plymouth in the South of England before heading to Ireland to irritate the crap out of their Prime Minister, Leo Varadkar. He originally wanted to have the Irish PM join him in promoting his failing golf course on the Atlantic coast of Ireland, which Varadkar declined to do, instead offering to meet Trump in a historic Irish castle, which Trump refused. So the 2 Heads of State met in the (!) VIP Lounge at Shannon Airport, hastily disguised to look like something fitting for a serious occasion, where Trump proceeded to tell the Irish leader that he needed (what else?) a wall on Ireland’s border with Northern Ireland, the very thing the Irish vehemently do not want, and the reason Varadkar is dead set against the Brexit deal, which would remove the possibility of maintaining their current “soft border” and friendly relations, since Ireland is part of the EU.
And so we add the entire 800 years of violent history between England and the two Irelands to the vast store of Trump’s ignorance of the almost universal common knowledge that binds humanity together, but has somehow passed Trump by in his long life.
On Monday, Trump reignited his Twitter War with London Mayor Sadiq Khan (“a stone cold loser!”) and attempted to bribe the entire UK with a “great trade deal” if they leave the European Union (a key part of Putin’s master plan to divide the NATO allies), while we at home were treated to the news of how closely associated was Trump with one George Nader, convicted child pornographer and go-between to the Russian government who figured prominently in the early stages of the ultimately successful Russian operation to steal the 2016 Presidential Election for Donald Trump.
On Tuesday Republican Senators finally rebelled against Trump’s stupidity when they told him to knock it off with the Mexico tariffs already, with Trump saying they will be foolish to try and stop him, even as representatives of the 2 countries were furiously negotiating to head off this potential economic disaster that would cost American consumers an estimated $90 billion annually.
That day we also heard an eye-opening interview with First Cypher Jared Kushner, revealing himself to be every bit as empty headed, uniformed, arrogant and vapid as everyone feared, leaving us wondering how Trump’s singularly unimpressive son-in-law became Senior Advisor to The President and somehow (!!!) in charge of the entire Middle East, as complex, volatile and confounding a region of the world as exists.
Also on Tuesday, the UK’s intelligence agencies politely told Trump he was full of shit when he claimed that they spied on his campaign, stating that all they had to do to keep track of his and his campaign’s alleged “secrets” was to read the newspapers (and presumably shake their heads in polite British disbelief).
The House passed the Dreamer Act that day, which would have created a path to citizenship for immigrant children brought here as small children, but is instead scheduled to collect dust on Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s deal with all the other bills passed by the Democratic majority House. In good news for the House of Representatives, Trump’s former personal assistant and suit steamer Hope Hicks defied the White House directive to disobey their subpoena as she agreed to turn over campaign documents to House investigators.
Trump won a small victory in the investigations of him when a judge ruled that a taped conversation between the prison-bound former Trump National Security advisor Michael Flynn and Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak could remain secret, widely considered even more explosive than the recent publicly-released phone call between Trump’s lawyer and Flynn’s lawyer where Flynn was urged to perjure himself before Congress in exchange for a pardon from the President.
Then on Wednesday, just in case Trump hadn’t sabotaged his Great Statesman Tour enough already, we were treated to the full interview with Piers Morgan, where Trump stuck his foot in his mouth up to his knee, matching his son-in-law for astonishing ignorance, then going him a dozen better as he waxed eloquent on a potential war with Iran, nasty princesses, nastier American government officials, and how he was “not a fan of the Vietnam War,” because “it was so far away” and he never heard of the country anyway, but he would have been “honored to serve” if not for his pesky bone spurs, but as far as his lack of interest in military service, (!) “I am making up for it now.”
Well okaythen! Any other pearls of wisdom, Mister President? Yes, indeed there were. Behold “Climate Change goes both ways,” as incomprehensible as it is funny, since this is an area where there is about as much scientific evidence of any alleged beneficial effects of climate change as there is for the existence of the nice Nazis that Trump once so famously lauded.
But wait, there’s more, with Trump (for no apparent reason) lavishly praising Kim Jong Un as “a strong man,” and again downplaying North Korea’s blatant mockery of him by continuing to test ballistic missiles capable of devastating Japan and perhaps the America West Coast.
Back home, his Administration joined in the imbecility by banning vital life-saving medical research that uses fetal tissue from live births, with exactly none of the tissue coming from aborted fetuses, contrary to what his Imbecile Brigade has convinced themselves with zero evidence to back up their claims. Good enough for Trump, since appearance and perception always outweigh facts and knowledge, so little Billy’s potentially fatal disease won’t be getting all that much attention from medical researchers in the foreseeable future.
To end Week #125 on Thursday, Trump was in France to deliver perhaps the most important speech of his presidency at the 75th anniversary of D-Day, a somber occasion shared with other heads of State and attended by the assembled press from all over the world. Americans, most especially Trump’s inner circle of “handlers,” were nervous he would go off script and make the D-Day commemoration all about himself.
Surprise of surprise, Trump delivered the prepared speech word for word, and received lavish praise for his yeoman-like effort, as if he was a puppy who didn’t crap on the carpet for once instead of the President off the United States and the most powerful man on Earth. No, the crapping on the carpet would come immediately afterwards as he revisited his schoolboy-level insult campaign of his fellow Americans, mocking Speaker Pelosi and Special Counsel Robert Mueller (himself a decorated combat veteran of the sort that Trump just finished praising) among other prominent Americans. Presumably Trump likes war heroes who don’t get assigned to investigate his crimes.
Back home, we learned of Trump allowing American smart bomb components to be manufactured in Saudi Arabia, putting sensitive technology at an unacceptable risk of being stolen and distributed to our enemies. Then the world’s leading automakers sent a message to Trump saying how his new relaxed auto pollution rules are insane and will badly hurt their business, as well as the world’s environment.
We also had to endure hearing of Trump’s plan to have thousands of American troops paint one mile of preexisting border wall, “to improve the aesthetic appearance of the wall,” something akin to having prison guards paint the inmates’ cell bars soothing pastel colors, a waste of time and valuable personnel that changes nothing about the nature of either border walls or prisons.
Trump did manage to sign the long-overdue Disaster Relief Bill, overdue only because he balked at rebuilding Puerto Rico since he was appalled to discover that this Caribbean island full of Spanish-speaking Brown people is really part of America, and also because he insisted on stealing money from disaster-stricken Americans and diverting it to his aesthetically pleasing border wall.
So let’s end with Speaker Pelosi’s leaked comment to her Congressional colleagues when discussing any potential impeachment proceedings against Trump: “I don’t want him impeached, I want him in prison.”