Week #63 was the week where Donald Trump finally matured, publicly rejected his vulgar behavior and buckled down to the serious business of being an effective president.

Just kidding.

He kicked off the week Friday by signing the spending bill to keep the government open until September even though he said it contains things that he hates. Once he was told that not signing it would delay his golf game, he signed his name and swore he would never do it again, then made another insane speech before beating it out of town one step ahead of March For Our Lives.

He did throw gun control advocates a hollow bone when he had his Attorney General Jeff Sessions manage to announce a ban on bump stocks, slipping in another doomed attempt at a Transgender ban in the military, while ignoring the 1400 point drop in the Stock Market as a result of his insane trade war initiatives.

Trump’s nominee to be his new National Security Adviser, John Bolton, paid immediate dividends by publicly disagreeing with all 17 American intelligence agencies, rattling nuclear missiles and vowing to purge the White House staff of any remaining sissies with no interest in threatening to blow up the world when we don’t get our way.

Rather than acknowledge the millions of students mobilizing nationwide to protest gun violence on Saturday, Trump hunkered down in Mar A- Lago where he ignored the 500,000 people holding a moving and inspirational rally back in Washington, or the hundreds of other large demonstrations nationwide and across the globe. His only brush with them was when his motorcade was forced to take an alternate route to the golf course to avoid the thousands of demonstrators who lined his usual route in and out of Mar A Lago, delaying the Presidential Golf Game.

Trump made no mention of the impressive young leaders who survived the bloody slaughter of their classmates and came out swinging, mobilizing a nation and touching our hearts with their courage and their passionate speeches in ways Trump never has, or saying a single word to condemn the demonization of these remarkable children by his vicious voter base and by Republican members of Congress.

March For Our Lives was nothing less than a sea-changing national phenomenon, naturally ignored, mocked and dismissed by those taking the Express Lane to history’s ash heap.

On Monday Trump had to bow to the inevitable and join the global condemnation of the Kremlin’s poison attack in the UK by expelling 60 Russian diplomats and closing the Russian consulate in Seattle, and finally condemned Russia for targeting the USA power grid, carefully avoiding direct criticism of his patron Vladimir Putin while chanting his mantra “No Collusion, No Collusion!”

The weird saga of Trump son-in-law Jared Kushner continues to unravel with the news that the White House itself is investigating the half billion simoleons in loans obtained from international sources to Kushner’s real estate company by trading on the power of his office.

Exactly who in the White House is conducting this investigation is unclear, but it seems that Trump is very angry. Not that Jared is cashing in on the family name (the whole idea from Day 1), but he wasn’t kicking enough dough upstairs to The Don.

Also on Monday, Kim Jong Un outmaneuvered Trump by traveling to China to meet with his fellow President For Life Xi Jinping, throwing a monkey wrench into Trump’s plans to unilaterally impose American policies on Asian nations with no input from the Big Kahuna in the region, The People’s Republic of China.

He also thought out loud again, this time about rehiring his wife-beating White House Secretary Rob Porter, understandable when the you notice that no one with an intact reputation is willing to work in the Trump White House.

On Tuesday Trump decided to kick out Liberian refugees just for the hell of it, then declared that (!) the military would now be paying for his border wall. Not the Mexican military, but ours.

Wednesday saw Stormy Daniels turn the tables on Trump by suing him to compel his testimony on whether he knew about their Non-Disclosure Agreement, putting Trump in the position of either saying he was a party to the NDA, or denying it and giving Ms Daniels leave to publicly discuss their love affair.

This caused another Presidential Tweet Storm about an unrelated topic, this time telling crazy lies about Amazon and the post office, how Amazon was not paying taxes (false) and “costing the Post Office a fortune,” when in fact the U.S. Post Office is earning millions delivering Amazon packages.

Then he fired his Veterans Affairs Secretary and hired his cheerleader and personal physician Doctor Ronny Jackson, a US Navy Admiral with no administrative experience, to run the 2nd largest government agency, and one of the biggest organizations of any kind in existence.

On the Russian Collusion Investigation front, Paul Manafort’s business partner Rick Gates was named as “Person A” in an indictment detailing an incriminating encounter between Trump campaign representatives and Russian operatives, and Mueller’s investigators began interviewing witnesses about the presence of Russian spies in Trump’s inner circle at the (!) Republican National Convention, just before the hostile anti-Russian policies were erased from the GOP platform.

Trump ended Week #63 on Thursday at a rally in Ohio, nominally there to announce his infrastructure plan, opening with a lie about companies flooding back into the USA, and continuing his bizarre and repetitious dialogue with the American people on his usual topics; his own greatness, America First, Build the Wall, The 2nd Amendment, calling VA doctors “sadists,” trashing our closest allies over unfair trade practices, and eventually stumbling into a rare true statement, saying he was “better at building than being president.”

Unfortunately, the details of his infrastructure plan were as vague as his hairline, but Rosanne Barr did get a shoutout for the good ratings of her rebooted sitcom, which of course he attributed to himself. As Week #63 ends, the biggest surprise is that Jeff Sessions is still Attorney General in spite of defying Trump by refusing to appoint a second Special Counsel to investigate Democrats, and his two remaining Best Generals have not yet resigned in fury and disgust.

At least America had Opening Day of the baseball season on Thursday, perhaps the most eagerly anticipated set of season-opening games ever, a symbolic return to pleasant routine and good sportsmanship, in very short supply elsewhere in this troubled land.

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