One supposes we can all breathe a little easier about the prospect of nuclear war now that we know President Trump is the kind of guy who will personally jump into the middle of a dangerous situation, slay the bad guys and save the day. Phew!

Not only that, but he agreed to take part in sensitive multinational talks designed to ease American tensions with North Korea, normalize their relationship with South Korea and encourage Kim Jon Un to lead his troubled nation away from militarism and focus on peace, prosperity and stability.

A new round of American sanctions against North Korea emphasized the importance of such a crucial and sensitive mission, with perhaps the survival of humanity hanging in the balance. Trump thought long and hard about who to send to South Korea to represent the United States.

Then he picked a handbag designer, his daughter Ivanka.

Another theme of Week #59 of the Trump Era is “Bring Your Gun To School Day.”

Against the advice of everyone with a pulse, Trump kept pushing his idea to arm 20% of America’s teachers with handguns in order to prevent more school massacres like last week’s slaughter in Parkland, Florida.

He did this even when meeting with all 50 States governors, who would have been the ones to have to oversee this bit of lunacy if there was a snowballs’ chance in hell of this ever happening.

Then he repeated the Arm The Teachers idea to a meeting with legislators before sending the conservatives among them into a panic by going completely off script and proposing (!) “beautiful gun control,” raising the age to buy an AR-15 rifle from 18 to 21, and suggesting that the guns be taken from the mentally unstable without due process, forcing the NRA to clear up Trump’s confusing and contradictory statements by making an announcement that Trump does indeed agree with the NRA on all things.

While Net Neutrality was being revoked on Friday (earning the FCC boss the gift of a (!) rifle from NRA), Trump went off on yet another gun tangent, blaming the virtual violence of video games for the Florida high school massacre, even though scientific research refutes the idea.

Meanwhile, scores of corporations rescinded the NRA membership privileges such as discounts and guarantee access, and teenaged survivors of the Parkland Massacre mobilized a Children’s Crusade to challenge the NRA’s position as our de facto 4th Branch of Government.

Trump ordered The Pentagon to stage a military parade next Veterans Day, then addressed the Conservative Political Action Conference (a gun free zone), condemning gun-free zones and quoting from NRA President Wayne LaPierre’s speech about “hardening our schools” and saying how armed teachers will ”shoot with love” when the next mass murderer invades a school, and how he would have run into the building to confront the shooter even if he was unarmed.

Then there was the news that the RNC is paying Trump $37,000 a month rent for his “Trump 2020 Campaign HQ” in Trump Tower, and Mike Pence’s nephew John Pence is earning $12,000 a month as “Deputy Campaign Director,” whatever that involves for a campaign 2 years in the future.

And most of this was just one day, Friday, the first day of Week #59, a month’s worth of crazy headlines dumped into the shredder of the quiet weekend news cycle.

Trump had no schedule in Mara Lago on Saturday, the day he decided to release the heavily-redacted memo from Democrats on the House Intelligence Committee to counter the Nunes Memo of 2 weeks ago. This memo shreds the Nunes memo with what the president and leading Republicans are calling the underhanded use of hard facts, actual events, accurate dates and a clear narrative.

Trump of course misquoted the memo’s author on The Jeanne Piro Show, Congressman Adam Schiff, who accused the GOP of trying to undermine Mueller’s investigation, yet somehow still claimed that all those opposite-sounding words in the new memo completely exonerated him, pretty much telling us he has not read Schiff’s memo. Which is fine by his most cultish supporters, who won’t read it either.

Senator Schumer took the opportunity on Saturday to remind Trump he can’t talk though about school safety while cutting $450 million from the school safety budget, but the president was too preoccupied editing his misspelled Tweet about Alec Baldwin to respond.

Killing time on Sunday, Trump released what to most people would be a fleeting private thought when he mused about the virtues of killing drug dealers like his new Bestie Duterte does in the Philippines. Apparently, the president has no “inside thoughts.”

The First Family was back at the White House Sunday night hosting The Governor’s Ball, with Trump saying that “shootings are his #1 priority” without getting specific our stepping on the NRA’s toes again.

On Monday Trump nominated his (!) personal pilot to head the Federal Aviation Administration, then had a business meeting with the nation’s governors, where he demonstrated that he had no clue at all what their jobs entailed.

Later in the day a Judge reinstated Obama Era Methane Emissions Rules that Trump had ordered rescinded, a blow to Pollution Enthusiasts everywhere.

Speaking of rescinding things, on Tuesday Jared Kushner finally lost his Top Secret security clearance for good, something unprecedented for a Senior Political Advisor to The President. While there are dozens of WH staffers still having no permanent clearance for over a year, this is a signal that Kushner may soon be out of a job, along with First Daughter Ivanka.

It seems that Kushner’s mixing his shady business dealings with government business (a half-billion dollar loan for his company secured on government time) was the clincher, plus those 4 foreign leaders caught on tape discussing how easy it was to gain leverage over Kushner due to his desperation for capital for his shaky real estate empire, his inexperienced gullibility and his political naïveté.

White House rumors say that Trump wants his Chief of Staff John Kelly to do the dirty work of firing his family and reversing the nepotism crippling the White House, and to hopefully talk his National Security Advisor H. R. McMasters out of resigning in disgust.

And speaking of National Security, Admiral Michael S. Rogers, head of the NSA, said there were no orders from the White House to counter the ongoing Russia cyberattacks on the 2018 election.

In response, Trump named his campaign manager for the 2020 election.

Also on Tuesday, White House Communications Director and Trump suit-steamer Hope Hicks resigned, a day after testifying before Congress about “telling White Lies” on Trump’s behalf.

No word yet on who will fill the pumps of this 29 year-old former model.

On Wednesday, just in case we forgot who was Trump’s favorite whipping boy, he berated Attorney General Jeff Sessions for using the office of The Inspector General (An Obama guy!) to investigate alleged (by Trump) FBI abuses, and not Justice Department lawyers, then gave him the unfortunate nickname “Mister Magoo.”

Trump then threatened to start global trade wars with his announcement of tariffs on steel and aluminum, even angering our mild mannered neighbors to the north, the Canadians.

On the Special Counsel’s Russian Collusion Investigation front, more subpoenas against Paul Manifort and Russian nationals were issued, it was revealed that Manifort associate and shady political operative Roger Stone had direct contact with foreign leaders about Russian election tampering, and Robert Mueller is taking a keen interest in alleged money laundering by the Trump family and their close associates.

And so another week in Paradise ends.

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