Tallyrand D’Antoine here, from a new undisclosed location, far, far away from my previous undisclosed location. A tip to my pursuers: don’t bother trying to trace this URL address since this is being written on a disposable cell phone, which is quite a chore with this tiny friggin’ Mickley Mouse keyboard, let me tell you! Anyway, wickedleak.net is beyond your reach, Big Brother! Our geeks are better than your geeks, and we know who yours are, so there! The following is a synopsis of some of the sensitive documents hidden from you by Big Government, Big Business, Big Religion and Big Media. But truth, like the sun, the moon and the stars, cannot long remain hidden. And to gain the support of the attention-deprived, the strategically placed bold lettering allows us to insinuate all sorts of other terrible things without a shred of proof! We have come into possession of corroborating documentation of the following truths:
Mob boss Sam Giancanna was the man behind the assassination of John F. Kendall of Ames, Iowa in October, 1963 when his hired hit men misunderstood his whispered instructions. Mr. Kendall owned a sporting goods store and had never shown the slightest interest in either politics or the Mafia, and until now this case has gone unsolved.
Since he left office in 2000, former President Bill Clinton has slept with the wives of most of the NATO heads of state, and was asked to leave France after a lengthy “World Hunger Seminar” with the French First Lady, Carla Bruni.
The phones on President George W. Bush’s desk weren’t connected.
Former Speaker of The House of Representatives back in to ’90s, Newt Gingrich, got very upset when his fellow Republicans removed a clause in their Contract With America that stated that “the party of the first part, Newton Gingrich, shall be henceforth referred to as ‘Grand Exalted Eminence‘ instead of Mr. Speaker.”
The management of CNN realized early on that a 24/7/365 news channel would have a hard time finding enough news content to sustain interest. Internal e-mails and memos prove that they started a “News Generation Department” that instigated wars in several small nations, purchased sea-worthy craft and automatic weapons for Somali Pirates and sent operatives to Hollywood armed with anti-inhibitor drugs to administer to Lindsay Lohan, investments that paid off handsomely in sensational headlines.
The Catholic Church has long suppressed authentic chronicles of Christ’s “missing years,” between the ages of 10 and 30, that describe his career as a successful professional clown for children’s birthday parties, performing all sort of miracles for the tots’ amusement. “Jesus: The Balloon Animal Years,” is now available at wickedleak.net.
Kim Jong Il of North Korea is the president of the Justin Bieber Fan Club, East Asia Chapter, and has offered young Mr. Bieber the chance to replace his fat idiotic son as his eventual successor if he takes the name Kimjustin Jong Il II.
Playboy Magazine offered Sarah Palin a million dollars to pose naked, but Playboy readers chipped in to pay Ms. Palin $2 million to turn them down.
In Russia, Vladimir Putin (CIA codename: Stalin Lite), has issued an executive order making it illegal to point out that Russia isn’t scaring the crap out of anyone anymore.
Surprising even his closest intimates, former President George W. Bush has chosen his official portrait for his Presidential Library; an oil painting of himself and his “special friend,” Saudi Prince Abdullah, sharing a milk shake with 2 straws and holding hands at the local ice cream parlor in Crawford, Texas.
When John Roberts was sworn in as Chief Justice of The Supreme Court, his first official act was to hire Bert, the courtroom security guard on “Judge Judy” in order to “add some pizzazz to this friggin’ mausoleum.” Roberts also vowed to donate half his wardrobe budget to charity since he wouldn’t be needing pants anymore, telling anyone who would listen that “the best part of The Black Robe is going commando.” When asked about this in an interview with Atlantic Monthly, he further explained; “It frees my mind too, you know.”
Tallyrand D’Antoine signing off and moving on. Visit bobcrespo.com for new Top Secret revelations that the powerful ruling elite wishes to keep secret. We know things….