This is great. The former Speaker of the House of Representatives, Newt Gingrich, is slamming President Obama for running “a secular, socialist machine.” Well, secular is the only legal way to run the United States government. Says so right there in the Constitution, the separation of Church and State. Our Founding Fathers were men who said pleasant things about faith from time to time, but that was the extent of their involvement with religion. They had a hard enough time getting the 13 States to agree to a Union without God in the equation. They regarded the practice of any religion to be an individual’s right, and no concern of Caesar’s. So, about Newt’s accusation that President Obama is running a secular outfit? Well, yeah.

As far as the Socialist label, that’s a hoot. Obama is more a centrist than anything else. He compromised his Health Care Reform Bill to appease the Republicans, who didn’t even have enough votes to stop it. He gave up the Public Option, leaving that bit of necessary Socialism for another day, or another president. His financial reform measures have no teeth at all and still allow the financial industry to play high stakes poker with our money like drunks in Vegas.

HIs decision to drill for petroleum off our coast is not so popular with left-leaning Americans. The treaty Obama just signed with Russia’s Medvedev is the same deal Ronald Reagan signed with Mikhail Gorbachev in the 1980s, reducing our respective nuclear arsenals by one third. He also escalated the war in Afghanistan and is dragging his feet getting America out of an illegal and immoral war in Iraq. A socialist? Hardly.

Obama isn’t exactly reminding anyone of Fidel Castro, at least not anyone with a grip. Gingrich actually knows better, but he wants very much to be president, so he makes stuff up and caters to anger addicts and idiots. He figures his outrageous lies and character assassination will pave the way to the White House. He has not yet declared his candidacy, and passes himself off as  civic-minded citizen just speaking his mind. A civic-minded citizen on Cable TV. Somehow this guy has become the Elder Statesman of The Republican Party.

This is the guy who was obsessed with President Clinton’s prick back in the ’90s and ground the wheels of government to a halt for almost two years while he talked about President Clinton’s prick in a little more detail than was comfortable. During this time he was sticking his own prick in his future trophy wife while his current wife and the mother of his children was in the hospital with cancer. He felt so bad about it that he went to her hospital bed and told her all about the future Mrs. Right, and oh, by the way, good luck with the chemo.

It wasn’t long before he was censured by Congress for ethics violations and resigned his office in disgrace. It was a pretty big deal. Made all the papers. So the guy disappears from public life and we’re all like, yeah, fine, good riddance. Who needs dirtbags like that around running our government?

Well, not so fast. Two wives and a couple of religion changes later, Newt’s back and just as dumb and arrogant as ever. He’s even asshole buddies with Jerry Falwell, possibly the most evil Christian leader around. Together they want to get America to “rediscover our Christian past,” that golden time in America that… never was! They made that up too.

Not that Newt’s supporters know or care, they’re just looking for something to hate in the name of a loving and merciful God. Nothing satisfies Christian Fascists like bullying, hating and good old fashioned demon hunting, so it looks like Sarah Palin’s going to have to get even crazier that she already is if she wants to compete with Newt for the Republican nomination. She does have the gun nuts on her side, though, and a lot of those people are crossover voters, your standard Jesus Gun Nuts, so the Republican nomination process ought to be pretty lively in 2012. Expect the campaigns to touch on some pretty bizarre topics. James Carville couldn’t have arranged things better for the Democrats.

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