The Life Coach here, you there. My job is to coach people who can’t figure out life, so my list of potential clients is practically unlimited. Listen, I’m not here to answer rambling esoteric questions like “Why am I here?” or “What does it all mean?” I leave that meaningless crap to losers like the clergy and philosophers, none of whom have earned the material rewards that The Life Coach has, and as everyone knows, the name of the game is accumulation.
I deal with life as it is, and it is hard, so our mission is to make our lives easier, and believe me, having a half-dozen huge homes, many fine automobiles and the company of many, many attractive women sure takes the sting out of life’s inevitable disappointments. If it’s spiritual fulfillment you’re looking for, don’t bother The Life Coach, you’re too far gone down Loser Lane. Spiritual fulfillment won’t put gas in my Maserati or champagne in the hands of my smoking hot girlfriends.
The Life Coach is all about Material Fulfillment, that which can be measured, touched, tasted and hoarded! To be brutally honest, The Life Coach’s clients are mostly men, since women are a key part of my Set of Goals that I teach in my Better Life Seminars, and some seem to resent being treated as commodities to be collected, enjoyed and discarded when their time is up. Sorry sisters, don’t blame The Life Coach. Nobody ever said life was fair, and it’s not my fault that the fair sex is fair game for Life Achievers.
When you attend one of my Better Life Seminars, be prepared to discard your old notions about other people, such as the idea that they matter all that much. They most certainly do not, except for what they can do for you. It’s all about you, what you can attain, accumulate and use. And forget the notion that all men are equal. We may have been created that way, but the clever man soon sets himself apart with aggressive accumulation. We’re all going to grow old and sick and die anyway, so we might as well live it up while we can, with every means at our disposal.
My Better Life Seminars teach you to do just that. For the introductory price of a mere $300, you will be given the Rudiments of Overachieving, the art of getting all you can by any means necessary. Homes, cars, women, boats, cool gadgets, swimming pools, airplanes, artwork, travel, whatever it is you desire, these things can all be yours if you keep attending the Advanced Better Life Seminars to learn the fine points of Getting and Keeping. You will learn that playing fair is for losers, and guilt for fools. Always bear in mind that your goal is self-fulfillment, not the fulfillment of others.
Let those other people take care of themselves. The Life Coach Better Life Seminars, Advanced Better Life Seminars and Platinum Better Life Seminars are all about looking out for #1. And don’t be fooled into thinking that other people become #2 on your list of priorities. Life Coach teaches you the New Math For A Better Life, that the only number in your equation is 1, and leave the rest of the numbers to mathematicians and wimps. Better Life Seminars are not for the feint of heart or the mixed-up souls who haven’t got their priorities in order. Life Coach can teach you to put yourself in the driver’s seat, not only of any number of luxury automobiles, but of life itself!
If you want to make all your dreams come true and don’t care how you do it, call 1-800-NUMBER 1 and get started on making the rest of the world eat your dust as you cruise away into a life of luxury, the life you deserve! Do not contact this web site directly since the owner of this half-assed outfit is one of those bleeding heart liberals who thinks sharing is good and honest dealings are the only way to get ahead. He’d like to be rid of The Life Coach, but I hoodwinked the fool into signing a contract so that I can promote my Better Life, Advanced Better Life and Platinum Better Life Seminars all I want and he can’t do a damned thing about it. Trusting fools rarely read the small print. It’s a beautiful thing, getting your way, especially at the expense of suckers. Sweet.
He thought he was getting one of those chumps who gives a crap about other people and would provide a useful service to all his readers. How funny is that? You will learn in my Advanced Better Life Seminar how useful suckers can be in furthering your personal agenda, and how you can pretend to be a sharing and caring jerk just like them until you get what you want. You will learn that greed is not the sin those other people would have you believe it is, that they only call it wrong because they do not have the brains, the balls or the iron will to get what they want by any means necessary. Blessed are the poor? They sure as hell are since you have yours and theirs too!
Suckers and bleeding hearts, don’t waste your money. My seminars are for the bold, the strong and the winners among you. Enroll in my Better Life Seminar and learn to take what you want! Luxurious homes, fancy cars, travel, jewels, nightclubs, beautiful women one after another! That’s what I can teach you possess, just like I do. Be nobody’s chump, be a man of achievement; a user and a taker and a keeper! The envious looks of lesser men are alone worth the price of admission. Wealth for wealth’s sake is yours when you follow the 10 Steps to Acquisition you will learn at The Life Coach Better Life Seminars. Call toll-free right now and get ready to move off Loser Lane for good!