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JIMMY THE BLOGGING DOG CHECKS OUT THE NEWS

Well, here I am again, sort of. My debut blog here at bobcrespo.com didn’t  get around to what I was hired to do; cover the news from a dog’s point of view. My first blog for this space was mostly introducing myself and explaining who I am to the readers. The guy who runs this place, Bob Crespo, told me to write whatever I feel like on my first blog, but after that I should write commentary on current events. Of course, by current events he meant human news only.

I could go on and on about the sweet Golden Lab bitch that just moved in next door to me and how she had to spend a week in a cage while her owners set up their new house and that on her first day exploring her new yard she discovered a very interesting rotting corpse of a possum, chased three cats around and barked for a couple of hours to let everybody know there’s a new bitch in town, but humans don’t seem all that interested in these sorts of developments. They want to talk about Haiti, some little island somewhere that had an earthquake a week or so ago that killed a whole bunch of people and wrecked a lot of buildings and roads.

I really don’t have all that much to say about Haiti except that the people over there didn’t listen to their dogs. Dogs know when earthquakes are going to happen and vacate the premises ASAP. Knowing humans, they probably ignored their dogs’ frantic warnings and the fact that any of them not chained down beat it out of there in a hurry. Most likely they hit them and locked them up and told them to pipe down. I notice in all the news reports I’ve seen on Haiti there is no mention of the loss of life suffered by any creature other than humans, not even the usual zoo story where the imprisoned animals escape and get shot by the police. I’m sad for all the dead and injured humans, especially the children, but I for one would also like to know how many dogs died, but no one seems to know or care.

So much for earthquakes. What else is going on? You humans are fighting your endless wars all over the place, and for reasons that don’t really register with the canine brain. To a dog’s mind, aggression is reserved for hunting and for countering threats to oneself or one’s offspring. Being a born predator myself, I can understand aggression, but even the most savage of nature’s predators don’t kill just for the hell of it. There’s only the one; humans. And if you don’t think you are predator, check out where your eyes are located, in the front of your head. Only predators’ eyes are located there. Prey (vegetarians) has theirs side-mounted, the better to watch out for the flesh eaters.

Which brings me to another puzzling thing about some human beings, those who refuse to eat meat, in complete defiance of their inborn natures. Lots of these people join organizations dedicated to get humans to stop treating other species badly. You’d think that as a dog I would be grateful for these organizations. Sorry, but this dog can read and when I see that a big part of what these people do is to spay and neuter animals and not try to set us free in any way and I wonder, well, what’s crueler than that? They only insist that people substitute their brand of cruelty to us. Nothing ethical at all about that. You don’t see dogs forming clubs to cut human males’ nuts off or tie their females’ tubes. Animals don’t trust other species all that much, especially humans, and if you think about that for about 8 seconds, that makes sense. Your history of live-and-let-live isn’t very promising.

You ever wonder what happened to the Neanderthals? Now that was a holocaust! No tattooed survivors, no poignant books, no memorial buildings to Neanderthals. If you’re wondering what the hell a dog knows about Neanderthals, here’s a clue; dogs are born with species memory, a vital part of our instincts and stored knowledge, so that we can recall things that happened many thousands of years ago, passed down from dog to dog to dog. My own offspring will remember their ancestor that was able to communicate with humans. For thousands of years. How many humans will be so well remembered by their families in a thousand years?

Not that my fellow dogs are all that impressed with my advanced mental abilities, since being the “Canine Einstein” hasn’t exactly enabled me to convince humans to stop enslaving and torturing dogs, or even getting them to stop putting those horrible sweaters on us. But perhaps we should just be glad we’re dogs and not Neanderthal people. What was done to them was even worse that what is being done to dogs. At least we’re still alive. Slaves, but still alive. We’re hoping that global warming thing will break down human civilization and we can all escape.

Well, I did it again, strayed from reporting on the news, which is why they hired me here at bobcrespo.com. This is going to take some getting used to, and if Bob Crespo and his dot com colleagues don’t like it, let them hire another dog to write blogs for them and see how that works out when the dog pisses on their computer, craps on the floor and chews up everything in the office. I’m the only dog around who can read and write English, so they’ll just have to be patient with me until I get a handle on this whole “news” thing.

When I read the news, more questions than answers present themselves to me, and since I have no other choice but to see the world through the eyes of a dog, I wonder about things that wouldn’t occur to people, such as why humans can’t sense earthquakes. Hell, you people congratulate yourselves when you can smell snow in the air! Sorry, but that’s not very impressive to a dog, who can sense a vast array of things that humans cannot. Makes me wonder how it is that you people got to be in charge of the planet. Well, this is Jimmy The Blogging Dog signing off for now. I’m going to need a few days to figure out what the hell it is you people expect of me. Besides, that sweet little Golden Lab bitch next store is coming into heat and I have to figure out a way over than damned fence. Even dogs have our priorities.

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