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INTRODUCING THE LIFE COACH: YOU CAN’T PURSUE A DAMN THING SITTING AT HOME

In our never-ending pursuit of becoming the Best Website Ever, bobcrespo.com, currently the Second Best Website Ever, is including yet another feature for our loyal readers; The Life Coach. While previously we here at bobcrespo.com considered a job like Life Coach to be a pretty presumptuous thing to be or a scam at best, it seems that there is a great demand for being told what to think and how to live. Go figure. So we went out and hired one. The Life Coach, who prefers to remain anonymous, gives us all tips on how to effectively have better lives instead of just talking about our nebulous self-improvement plans or dreaming about winning the lottery. The Life Coach comes to us with a very impressive resume, having lived a full and rich life and accomplishing many things, not the least of which are climbing Mount Everest and nailing Courtney Love backstage at the Grammy Awards. Now he is willing to share his experiences with the lucky readers of bobcrespo.com. Consider his words of wisdom:

The Life Coach here, you there, so listen up. Today’s lesson for a more rewarding life: Leaving the house. This is aimed at house-bound couch potatoes wallowing in their own nothingness. When a junk e-mail pops into the inbox of your computer informing you that you can pursue a college degree while sitting on your chubby duff at home, if you have a shred of honesty with yourself you have to admit, that no, no you can’t pursue a college degree while sitting on your chubby duff at home, and the whole point of pursuing anything or anyone not already present in your refrigerator or in your living room means that you have to leave your house. That would be the very minimum definition of pursuit, no, leaving the house?

Even those of us fortunate enough to be able to work from home have earned that privilege by at some point in our lives actually leaving our homes in pursuit of something, whether it be an education, a job, a meal, a suit of clothes, a good time, a new experience or a spouse. This whole notion of having an ideal existence within the confines of your own home sort of assumes that within your own home is every amenity known to man, including several rewarding vacation destinations.

Unless your home is the size of a small nation or located within some sort of magic zone (and darned few homes are!), you need to leave the place every so often, probably on a regular basis. The Life Coach didn’t gain all his experience and wisdom sitting on his ass playing dumb video games, watching reruns of “Friends” and casting votes on who gets thrown off some island or who sang a song with maximum competence and minimum weirdness. That is not living, that is witnessing life! Big difference.

There’s a world out there, people! There’s people, places and things, the 3 pillars of living an interesting and rewarding life. Put it this way: The Taj Mahal or the World’s Largest Ball of Twine isn’t going to visit you. That beautiful, smart and interesting significant other isn’t going to ring your doorbell and ask if you can come out to play. You have to go out and find them! The museums and parks and ball fields and forests and beaches are a lot more impressive in person than on your video screens.

And guess what, couch brigade, there’s a lot of interesting restaurants with fabulous foods who do not deliver, so you actually have to wear something other than shorts and a T-shirt and attend them to experience fine dining or exotic culinary experiences. And if in these hard financial times fine dining is a little pricey for your budget, you can learn to cook something other than hamburgers and macaroni & cheese. That’s even something you can do in your own home, although shopping for ingredients might involve several stops at local food stores and green grocers. You will even save money obver your usual diet of Dominos, Chinese take-ouut and KFC.

So listen to The Life Coach and watch this space for more tips on turning around your mundane, ordinary and video-dominated lives. The things you need to do to change don’t come in a can or at the click of a mouse, so have patience and practice small things, like walking around the block, maybe finding out if the neighbors are still the same ones that were there years ago, the last time you bothered to check your immediate surroundings. Little by little you can venture out further afield. Before you know it you’ll have gone to interesting places, met interesting people and done interesting things. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, that of turning off the boob tubes that surround you and tasting what life has to offer.

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