So, let’s get this straight; Barack Obama, President of the United States for less than 9 months and a man presiding over 2 wars, wins the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Well, what can one expect from a prize named after the guy who invented dynamite? Or perhaps in this war-infested and genocide-prone world, the list of candidates was exceedingly slim. Nary a Gandhi or a Mandela to be seen on anyone’s horizon. The Nobel committee cited Obama’s efforts to rid the world of (!) nuclear weapons, news to everyone since America has more and bigger nuclear weapons than any nation. He was also commended for his “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples,” those efforts so far resulting in exactly no wars being stopped and zero treaties declaring universal brotherhood and cooperation.

Again, President Obama seems to have benefitted from an exceedingly thin list of candidates, with the Nobel Committee grasping at the thinnest of straws, what the man has said, as opposed to what he has actually accomplished. Which is not to say that this rookie world leader doesn’t have it in him to live up to this singular honor. He just might, and he’s got the brains, the charisma and hopefully the iron will necessary to become a genuine peacemaker. Only time and productive effort will tell.

But isn’t the awarding of a prize of any sort by definition handed out only after the results are in? Baseball doesn’t hand out its Most Valuable Player Awards in Spring Training, wisely waiting until the season is over to bestow the award on the player who has made the greatest positive impact on his team and the sport in general. The Academy Award Committee doesn’t hand out their Best Picture Oscar to the director who has the best idea for a movie, but to the person who actually made the best movie, nor do Olympic judges hand out gold medals before the games begin. The concept of prizes is a fairly straightforward process, what with one having to earn them and all.

However, since that is not the case with the Nobel Prize, might I be so bold as to nominate myself, Bob Crespo, chief cook and bottle washer here at, for next year’s Nobel Peace Prize? While I haven’t prevented or ended any wars or genocide campaigns, I have written about their atrocious nature and have endlessly promoted the cause of human understanding from these virtual pages. Isn’t one of my mottos “Wage Peace?” The fact that so few people read my writing doesn’t matter when you factor in that only the people on the Nobel Prize Committee have noticed President Obama’s actual accomplishments in the peace arena. What eyesight they must have to see what no one else can see!

But I plan to earn my Peace Prize. In the coming year I will attack no other nation with large armies and instigate no genocide campaigns. This I vow. I will continue to support world peace, human understanding and tolerance and shine a light on mankind’s biggest shame, the quiet genocide of starvation that claims a life every 2.4 seconds, to the tune of 36,000 people every day and 13.2 million souls every year, far outstripping the death tolls of our many simultaneous wars. Most of these victims are children under the age of 5 years. While my writing has not solved the starvation problem and my only monetary contributions have been as modest as my means, I have raised eyebrows and awareness of this Silent Slaughter. Further, I will contribute half of any prize money to directly feed the starving. The other half I will spend foolishly on myself and my family, another thing I can confidently guarantee.

I don’t have the advantage of being able to make compelling speeches to grand assemblies of august personages such as the United Nations General Assembly or the Combined Houses of the United States Congress, so I have an uphill climb to promote my own non-accomplishements. It goes without saying that life is unfair, but I have to say truly that my own lack of credentials stacks up very neatly beside my president’s ineffectual performance thus far. Surely the Nobel Committee can see that I have done as little as the President of The United States to bring peace to this world. And I don’t even own any nuclear weapons to be dismantled or command any vast armies to be held in check, so my credibility perhaps surpasses that of Obama, who is the Commander-in-Chief of a military that spends more on armaments than the rest of the world combined. You could look it up, and scratch your head and wonder like most of the world why Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Next year, It’s my turn. I can see it now: Bob Crespo, Nobel Laureate, man of few deeds…

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