Well, here we are deep into America’s War on Fat People, with no end in sight. Well, actually there’s a lot of ends in sight, and by and large (very large), they’re pretty big. Lots of wide loads in this bountiful nation, a tempting target for society’s killjoys. There are those people in this and every other society whose lives are incomplete if they are not trying to control the lives of others. Righteous indignation is their main weapon, even though fat people never did anything bad to them. It’s not like there’s not enough food to go around in America. The people attacking the fat people could get fat too if they wanted. Fat guys aren’t stealing their lunch money or eating their portions or anything like that.

You’d be hard pressed to come up with any overt offense committed by our fat brothers and sisters to deserve the label “obese,” or the supremely insulting “morbidly obese.” That’s just cruel. Everybody else seems to get a politically correct label these days but the fat people. How about “Extra-American” or “Mega-American?” Making war on a select group of citizens who have committed no crime is not a uniquely American trait, but we seem to have a real zeal for it. Try smoking a cigarette these days without a snide comment from a total stranger. At least they’re not so rude as to approach fat people and berate them when they’re eating. Or maybe they are, who knows? The self-righteous always excuse their own blatant rudeness but excuse no one else’s perceived shortcomings. Not that they have any answers for anyone’s problems, only condemnation.

Then you have the weird diet advocates, the vegetarians, the no-dairy types and the strangest one yet, where people are supposed to eat only what is raised locally. How would that work out for people in Manhattan? Rats, pigeons and shriveled window box tomatoes for dinner? Who could possibly eat only what’s produced near them except really isolated farmers? Well, plenty of people on the planet live and eat like that. That would be the Third World, where a whole lot of people are really poor, really hungry and live short, extremely difficult lives. In bygone days the whole world lived like that. Then somebody invented the wheel and people began to go places and ship stuff elsewhere and import new and tasty things to eat. Guess what? People benefitted from the varied diet, grew larger and healthier and lived longer. It’s called progress, and it’s pretty effective. Anything that cuts the misery and suffering is a good thing, and a variety of food is a very good thing.

If maybe some people decide to partake a little too much of the bounty of this earth and get a little chubby, well, it’s nobody else’s business. It’s not contagious. Why start a war against them? That’s pretty drastic, no? Didn’t anybody learn from the War on Drugs, an abysmal failure. People are going to do what they want to do with themselves whether anyone approves or not. Since the War on Drugs started 40 years ago, drug use has increased a hell of a lot in this country. Some war. Maybe the reason more people are fat these days is because of the War on Fat Guys. Did anybody consider that? You even have clowns like Mayor Bloomberg of New York City outlawing certain food items, just like in the War on Drugs. He can’t govern his own city or properly educate our students, so he decides to go after an easy mark like the fat people, like that’s going to make a dime’s worth of difference in the quality of life in New York. And the killjoys are ecstatic about it, not so much for any health benefit, but because people’s food will now be less tasty.

If they are so worried about food, why don’t they ship some to the starving people in this world? 36,000 of them die every single day. If they were really interested in doing good instead making others miserable, they would get involved in helping others. But doing good is not the aim of the self righteous. Any help they profess to be offering is a load of horseshit, they’re just in it to annoy people and feel superior. Well, if the only way you can feel good about yourself is to make someone else feel bad, you’ve got yourself a glaring character flaw there and the rest of us are justified in avoiding your company. Fat people have enough problems without control freaks up their butt all the time. They know how much they weigh, they know how many wardrobes they’ve outgrown. Now they’ve got to deal with public campaigns against them too? Give our Mega-American brethren a break here!

How about a War on Meddlesome Douche Bags? How would they like it? Those mentally fragile Peeping Toms would freak out big time. We could hound them the same way they hound fat people, pot heads, gays, drinkers and cigarette smokers. Put ads in magazines and on TV warning of the dangers of consorting with the self-appointed behavior police, how bad they are for your health and how they’re ruining America with their endless interference in other people’s lives. Whenever they go into their sorry spiels about how they know what’s best for everybody else, encourage the public to administer two quick slaps in the hope they will snap out of it and leave the rest of us the hell alone. Of course they won’t snap of it right away, so the slapping just might have to be repeated until they shut up and go away, which won’t happen either, but the rest of us will feel a lot better for having slapped their silly asses around and let them know we’re on to them.

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