If somebody painted the White House a different color, would it still be known as the White House? And would it have any effect on the balance of world power? Would the Blue House command much respect?

Other than their family and friends, does anyone recoil in shock with the news reports of another rap star getting shot?

Is winning American Idol a ticket to anything? One is hard pressed to think of anyone who emerged from that show being widely idolized. Unless maybe there’s some secret cults operating out there somewhere with altars to Clay Aiken and Rubin Studdard, conducting rituals and offering sacrifices and whatnot. That would be pretty amusing.

If Rush Limbaugh is now the head of the Republican Party, does that mean that Andy Dick is now the head comedian?

When people clamor for public schools to teach Creationism, do they mean only the Judeo-Christian version with the Garden of Eden and Adam and Eve? Or maybe they mean all of them, like the Native American theory of creation where the earth was dug from the bottom of the sea by a muskrat and placed on a turtle’s back? Or how about the Chinese take on creation that the universe was once a big black egg containing only Pan Gu, who went to sleep for 18,000 years, then woke up and broke out of the egg with an axe and got busy creating the sky and the earth? There’s a whole bunch of creation stories, some of them pretty entertaining. Might as well give the kids a choice of fairy tales.

Did debates over the merits of torture go on during the Spanish Inquisition? 

Do people who Twitter all day long have jobs? Are they called Twitterers or Twits? And those “followings” you hear about, are they religious in nature?

Exactly who was it that declared war on fat guys in the United States? For what reason? They seemed like a pretty happy, law abiding bunch. Did they do something bad we need to know about? 

Back in the days when no child got picked up in a car from school, did a lot them go missing? 

Doesn’t Shotgun Dick Cheney seem a whole lot healthier and talkative now than when he was Vice President? When he was running the Bush The Younger Administration from some hidden underground lair it seems he was always getting one body part or another replaced with a high tech device, and the longest speech he was able to muster was a tersely barked “no comment.” Could it be that the process is now complete and he’ll live forever as an evil half man, half robot, always appearing on TV just as chatty as can be, spreading fear and advocating the worst things imaginable?

Do terrorist suspects have some sort of diabolical ability to escape our stateside maximum security prisons that American serial killers and dangerous gangster prisoners do not? Doesn’t seem all that likely, does it?

Is there a specific reason why people are eating ostriches all of a sudden? Are they scrambling their giant eggs too? Just one of those bad boys would do breakfast for the whole family.

Are the caribou and elk as ecstatic as everybody else about the successful reintroduction of wolves into Yellowstone National Park? 

Are scientists disappointed that the swine flu didn’t turn out to be a major pandemic and kill millions of people? Nobody likes to be wrong, especially people in long white lab coats. Think maybe some of them are mad at the rest of us for not dropping like flies and ruining their perfectly good theories?

If you can get a star named after yourself, can you pick the sun? Then everybody would have to call it by your name. How cool would that be?

When Al Franken gets to be a Senator, can America finally form a Senate Comedy Committee, thus formalizing the Senate as a bunch of clowns? Who would be better qualified than a professional humorist?

If Polar Bears were introduced to the Antarctic, would it be okay to call them Bipolar Bears? What would they care as long as they had plenty of seals to eat?

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