So, what’s it going to be that finally ushers us to dinosaur status, that is to say, poor Otis dead and gone. Will it be global warning, some jerkoff who thinks God is giving him instructions getting his hands on nuclear weapons, or the swine flu? There’s no shortage of candidates out there for eradicating humanity off the face of the planet. Some scientists even say that with the population scheduled to hit 9 billion by the year 2050, that Mother Nature herself will make some sort of “adjustment” and eliminate 80% of humanity, sort of like what we humans do with our wildlife populations. That adjustment usually involves wholesale slaughter of the targeted species that we figure has overpopulated some tedious suburb of some tedious little city.

How ironic if the entity just above us in the food chain, the earth itself, decides to give itself a tick bath to keep us pesky humans down to manageable levels. We’re already helping the cause of eliminating the “excess” humans among us by letting 13 million a year starve to death on a bountiful planet, another 6 or 7 million to die from drinking poisoned water and killing untold millions per year in a never-ending series of wars and genocide campaigns. We also kill ourselves in a thousand other ways; smoking cigarettes, crashing our cars, ingesting chemical additives in our food, getting real fat, not exercising and dropping dead face-first in our food, all sorts of creative ways to kick the bucket before nature takes its course.

And these same scientists for years have been saying that humanity is a hazard to the health of the earth. So, the argument can be made that human death is good for the planet since we’ve been poisoning it ever since we stood up on two legs. We’ve also been industriously eliminating our rivals from the animal kingdom, one species after the next. And now they tell us we’re heating the joint up and if we don’t cut it out the ice caps will melt and turn Disney World in Florida (and the whole state with it) into an underwater theme park for scuba divers, if there are any of them left after the Big Adjustment. It could also be that Space Mountain will become the anchor for a new giant coral reef visited only by the sea life that we are so industriously eliminating just as we have the many land species that got on our nerves.

So, fellow human mammal creatures, pick your poison: devastating plague, nuclear holocaust or being slowly simmered to death by global warming and then having our disintegrated corpses washed away in the ice cap melt floods and consumed as plankton by whales. What’s it going to be? It all sounds pretty far fetched, no? Well, here’s another wild fantasy: Mankind will start acting responsibly, stop spending so much time killing one another, pay attention to the environment and start being the caretakers of the earth and all the creatures with whom we share it, like a good little dominant species should. Naaah! Now, that one’s a real whopper! Let’s just keep on partying like it’s 1999 and have our fun before natural selection selects somebody else. It was nice being the head honcho while it lasted, though, no?

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