The latest high-profile kidnapping in Mexico? A renowned kidnapping consultant. Wonder who will consult on his case?

A large number of sour grapes Republicans have attacked President Obama for using a teleprompter in public speeches. They held press conferences on this urgent matter, where they read their carefully prepared statements from a teleprompter.

One of the leading advocates for sexual abstinence education is Sarah Palin, she of the 18 year-old daughter with a baby and a Baby Daddy.

In other sex and celibacy news, Pope Benedict stated erroneously while in AIDS-stricken Africa that condoms increase the spread of AIDS. And who would know better than an 81 year-old lifelong celibate with no medical training?

The Federal Government, in an effort to curb cigarette smoking, raised the tax on each pack of cigarettes by sixty two cents, thus making the Federal Government the largest single profit-maker from cigarettes by far. No word yet on their legal liability stemming from the many wrongful death suits lodged against tobacco profiteers.

Although this news is a few years old, the irony of the death of the Crocodile Hunter by a sting from a sting ray still blows crocodiles’ minds. They’re still kicking themselves over missed opportunities.

Irony in disguise is the record low prices of gasoline at a time when the world threatened to go into scientific overdrive to invent its replacement. The only irony there is that some people think this is a coincidence.

The approximately 300 Chinese people who signed “Charter ’08,” a list of demands calling for greater democracy in China, have been cited as being among the most influential people in the world. Outside of China, that is, where news of their existence is practically non-existent.

Speaking of China, it looks like they’re stuck with a trillion and a half dollars worth of U.S. Treasury notes, thus having as big an interest in the economic recovery of the United States as anybody. Time to double down on the Walmart sweat shops and copyright piracy.

Former President Bush The Younger has signed a seven million dollar deal to write a book about his 12 toughest decisions while in office. Most of them involve him working up the nerve to ask permission of his boss Shotgun Dick Cheney to be allowed to attend meetings, while one or two deal with deciding which part of his ranch to clear of brush first.

There is a campaign called Earth Hour where households are being urged to turn off their lights for one hour to highlight the worldwide energy crisis. First up was Sydney, Australia. The cost of promoting this campaign has been millions of dollars in both currency and non-renewable energy resources. To say nothing of missing American Idol.

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