modern_china‘Tis written in jade: A foreigner will swoon and give you much personal information if you tell them your name is Jimmy.

Who can deny, ten thousand coal power plants will be rancid in the heavens.

As day follows night, so must the Dalai Lama be hunted.

A monk in a cell is worth two pummeled in the street.

He who loses three fingers in the foundry will use his remaining seven with heightened diligence.

An enlightening idea is well worth the stealing.

A hungry peasant is best kept hidden.

When plagued with doubt, ask your commissar the correct opinion.

That child is most filled with bliss who operates a 12 ton hydraulic press without safety equipment to encumber his productive joy.

Waste not heavy steel beams and reinforced concrete on school buildings.

Seek not forbidden knowledge on the internet.

He who thinks he has learned what is best for himself soon learns otherwise in a People’s Reeducation Camp.

Let no man deny that the finest quality paint is made with Chinese lead.

Celebrate your hatred of Taiwan.

Who can deny, longing for freedom is a criminal act.

The best air to breathe is that which can be seen and tasted.

It is truly etched in jade: Personal safety is one with silent obedience.

Ordinary men do not possess the wisdom to question nuclear power plants being placed by scientists in what are incorrectly called earthquake zones.

Only a fool would criticize his government.

Who can deny, the destination for fools is prison.

Indeed, of greater value than the purest white ivory is pirated software.

Cursed will he be who allows foreigners to stray from official tourist destinations.

He is wisest who sees little and speaks less.

Personal fulfillment is best achieved by making Little Mermaid T-shirts and baseball caps to be sold in Wal-Mart for 15 hours each day.

Let all men rejoice that their leaders live in splendor.

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