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D.O.P.O.T.O., Humor

THIS JUST IN… LATE BREAKING NEWS FROM THE DESK OF DOPOTO

DOPOTO, shorthand for the Department Of Pointing Out The Obvious, has been getting some late breaking news reports form all corners of our great nation and beyond. We bring you the highlights.:

The efforts to develop bio-fuels is taking away much of the world's food supply. A lot of land once used to produce food crops is being converted to growing plants for producing synthetic and renewable fuel, thus reducing grain supplies and driving up prices. Combine that with some unfortunate dry weather in some key farming regions around he globe and the result is worldwide food shortages. In an effort to stem the wave of food riots in hungry nations, the ruling elite in those countries are turning to genetic alteration. Not of the crops, but of those pesky food rioters. They feel that the need to eat three times a day is selfish, wasteful and counterproductive. They have ordered their scientists to manipulate the genes of the working classes so that they need to eat but once or twice a week. While that is the norm in many of these places today, it makes the people pretty irritable and prone to all manner of debilitating diseases. Many kings and dictators in stricken nations are offering incentives to scientists for curbing humanity's appetite, promising them valuable prizes like staying out of prison and not being slain.

Piracy is becoming a huge problem off the coast of Africa. Sounds like a job for Pompey, the Roman military leader who once cleared the Mediterranean Sea of Pirates in only 3 months. Unfortunately, Pompey's been dead for over 2,000 years so all DOPOTO can say is Aaaargghh!

In Paraguay a Roman Catholic Bishop has been elected to the presidency, vowing to return that nation to the greatness it once enjoyed. Researchers at the Department Of Pointing Out The Obvious have thus far been unable to determine when exactly that was but are working diligently to figure that out and will get back to you as soon as we discover when The Golden Age of Paraguay was.

Most of us here at DOPOTO come from Earth so we welcome the annual celebration of Earth Day. However, our studies reveal the focus is a bit skewed. It seems that contrary to popular wisdom, the Earth is is no danger at all from humans, no matter how many pollutants we belch out into the land and sky. It is humans who are in danger from all that icky stuff, not the planet. Our research has confirmed that the Earth got along just fine for billions of years before we got here and will get along fine without us. The planet really doesn't care what sort of atmosphere surrounds it or whether or not it is sheathed in mile-thick ice sheets or blazing lava. Nor does it seem overly attached to any of the creature who happen to ride its back as it spins through the heavens. So perhaps we should celebrate People Day and try to focus on keeping the Earth a user-friendly place. Just a suggestion from the people here at DOPTO who would like to stick around and keep pointing out the obvious a while longer.

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