Quote of the Week: “He just can’t handle attention going anywhere but him.” ~ exasperated Trump campaign adviser

Welcome to The Both Ways Express of Week #189 of The Trump Era, when Trump and his wholly-owned subsidiary, The Republican Party, put on their quadrennial convention, this time under the constraints of the Coronavirus pandemic that prohibits large gatherings of unprotected individuals, at least until the final night, when Trump made his fourth speech of the convention, his official acceptance speech.

The fact remains that the final night of Trump’s convention was against the law because it was a political event being held on Federal property, a serious crime, presumably cancelling out the crime of gathering 1,300 people into close and unmasked proximity during a pandemic, a flagrant disregard for public safety that would have any restaurant in the country shut down by the authorities ASAP. 

The four days of listening to Trump and a lackluster D-List of a cross-section of (mostly White) humanity try to convince America that the lawlessness, death and chaos that we see everywhere in America is actually taking place in some imaginary future that is “Biden’s America,” calling the guy with half his administration in jail or under criminal investigation the “Law & Order candidate,” blaming 50 million unemployed Americans for being lazy liberal parasites, and pretending the pandemic that is killing one American per minute every single day will go away if we vote for the lazy oaf who let it spread unchecked for months before even admitting it was a threat.

In short, they were promising America that the guy who is drowning our puppy will stop drowning our puppy if we vote for him, because “only he can save the puppy’s life.” 

Week #189 began on Friday, in what has become a routine with Trump; losing another case in court involving criminal investigations of his financial crimes, and about the millionth repeat of his lie about releasing his taxes once they were not under audit anymore (every sitting President’s taxes are audited every year, and still released to the public).

Then Trump held a funeral for his brother Robert in the White House, attended by 200 people, in stark contrast to the families of the 180,000 Americans dead from Covid who were deprived of the closure of large funeral gatherings by the pandemic that killed their loved ones, their services and burials limited to a handful of mourners.

Meanwhile, Trump’s personal wrecking ball of a Postmaster General was assuring the US Senate that his Post Office will be able to deliver all the mail-in ballots in plenty of time to be counted in the November election as he promised to temporarily stop dismantling America’s Postal Service.

Later in the day a book called “Hoax” by Brian Stelter was released, a detailed exposé of the profound influence of Fox News on Donald Trump and the policies he pursues, complete with descriptions of the moments when the key people at Fox realized that Trump truly is a dimwitted madman. Then, to both highlight his upcomimg convention’s theme, The Both Ways Express, and to confirm what “Hoax” claims about him is the unvarnished truth, Trump said (!) “I’m the only thing standing between the American dream and total anarchy, madness and chaos,” while the American Dream is reduced to eating another meal in the midst of the unprecedented anarchy, madness and chaos that is the America of 2020.

And speaking of the effort to rewrite the history of Trump’s unholy alliance with Russia, Attorney General Willam Barr’s handpicked stooge John H. Durham questioned former C.I.A. director John Brennan for eight hours on Friday, not as the target of any criminal inquiry, but “as part of the Justice Department examination into the Russia investigation’s origins,” shorthand for discrediting the Mueller Report.

The fact that the criminal activities committed by the Trump Campaign and the Trump Administration detailed in the Mueller Report were once again corroborated just a week ago by every intelligence agency we have and the United States Senate, was once again dismissed by Barr. He commissioned a political whitewash of history and he means to have it by any means necessary, legal or otherwise!

This is wholly in keeping with the insider who has been in charge of the country once again running as an outsider coming to clean up the mess that was left to him, only in this case, he is the one leaving a mess for himself to try and clean up. He blew the 10-year steady growth of the thriving economy he inherited, finally undoing another Obama achievement. The solution? Simple, just replace the incumbent administration with the “Deep State” as the villains, as the President claims that the people who make this government tick every day of their working lives are (!!) actively sabotaging science so they can kill thousands and thousands more people just to make Trump look bad.

To most  people, an organization with such a charter might sound like a very unlikely club for working stiffs to join, who tend to stick to bowling leagues and tailgate parties for their kicks, but Trump made his case anyway for a brand new scapegoat for what is becoming known as the Trump Virus: “The Deep State, or whoever, over at the FDA is making it very difficult for drug companies to get people in order to test the vaccines and therapeutics. Obviously, they are hoping to delay the answer until after November 3rd. Must focus on speed, and saving lives!”

On Saturday a large group of the nation’s former military leaders condemned Trump’s intended troop withdrawal from NATO as a thinly disguised plot to weaken NATO and strengthen Vladimir Putin as Trump continues to champion Russian interests over our own country’s, and he has still not said a word about Russia putting bounties on the heads of American troops in Afghanistan. 

Also on Saturday we listened to secretly-recorded audiotapes of Trump’s sister, Judge Maryanne Trump, being absolutely horrified that he was running for President, calling her brother a cruel moron and constant liar who she said would be a disaster in the White House, leaving us wondering why the President’s niece Mary Trump kept this tape secret for 4 years now that it is only confirming what we have already learned the hard way.

While Post Office workers all over the country were taking it upon themselves to reconnect the mail-sorting machines shut down by Louis DeJoy in “high-density areas” (Democratic-leaning minority districts), Trump was lying about the Democrats “removing God from the Pledge of Allegiance” at their convention last week, and even repeated it after audiotapes proved that this was certainly not true, confident that his base will spread his crazy lie as fact, and none of them will bother to check. After all, he did repeat it so it’s prolly true!

The fact that we learned Trump and Secretary of the Treasury Steve Mnuchin were plotting to destroy the Post Office even before the Covid crisis, and many months before DeJoy was appointed, is not a topic the President wished to broach, but he was happy to mention that he wanted to despatch law enforcement officers to polling places, something as illegal as it is un-American. Most polling stations already have a lone cop on duty all day, a neutral presence who has no role in the voting process, and an easy shift for police officers in a peaceful environment. Trump has something more along the lines of Barr’s Charge at Lafayette Park in mind; armored and armed intimidators.

With an actual physical gathering of the Republican Delegates taking place in Charlotte with no crowd but the delegates themselves and with the single purpose of nominating Trump, a competing event by the RNC was taking place in Washington, in the Federally-owned (and thus illegal for campaign purposes) Andrew Mellon Auditorium, which just so happens to be across the street from the Trump International Hotel, which just so happened to hike prices by 60% for the 4 days of the convention. Trump’s personal take from his campaign coffers to his own pocket was an estimated $2.3 million, not a bad haul for a 4-day scam.

It is worth noting that the Republican delegates adjourned without adopting a platform, the first time this has ever happened. Instead they issued a promise to actually formulate a real platform again in 2024, but in the meanwhile they (!!) “pledged to support the agenda of President Donald J. Trump.”

Only problem with that is that President Donald J. Trump doesn’t have an agenda, no policies, no plans and no ideas on how to do anything but line his own pockets. He runs the United States government on his whims and petty grievances, and the only sustained effort he has ever put into anything is his quest for more money and power. At least now he has a lot of pledged support to help him get what he wants: everything.

On Sunday the top Homeland Security official was quick to say that his department does not have the authority to send law enforcement to polling sites during the November election, throwing cold water on Trump’s planned Gestapo tactics at the voting booth, leaving us wondering if Field Marshal Barr plans to get the old band together and take it on the road.

Trump decided that Sunday was also a good day to promote another quack cure for Covid-19 when he touted “convalescent plasma therapy,” an experimental treatment that administers antibody-rich blood plasma to Covid victims, donated by recovered Covid patients. It has so far not been proven to help, and needs months of testing to understand what if any use it could be, but that never stopped Trump from repeating a lie he can use to his advantage.

And speaking of lies he can use, Trump lost one of his most durable human tools as Kellyanne Conway announced she was quitting (getting into the lifeboat) in September to spend more time with her family, including a husband who is Trump’s mortal enemy and a daughter whose social media presence went viral for denouncing both her parents as well as Trump as being horrible people. One can only wish the Conways the best of luck in Biden’s America.

Sunday night ended with another horrific attack on an unarmed Black man by police officers when Jacob Blake was shot 7 times by Police Officer Rusten Sheskey in Kenosha Wisconsin, in full view of his 3 small children,  who were sitting in the back seat of the family car while their father was riddled with bullets in the front seat. Mr Blake miraculously survived but is paralyzed from the waist down, and the protests and rioting began once again in earnest, 3 months after the killing of George Floyd filled America’s streets with protestors who have had enough of the systemic racism that is both fueled and denied by a racist president.

Monday was when Trump’s semi Covid-compliant convention commenced, but not before New York State Attorney General in Manhattan, Cyrus Vance Jr, let it be known that New York State was charging the Trump family with falsely inflating the value of real estate for the purposes of committing bank fraud, and requested to interview prime suspect Eric Trump immediately. We also got to hear from former Republican Senator Floyd Flake and 27 other prominent Republicans, condemning Trump and endorsing Biden, at the same time that Louis DeJoy was angrily sparring with members of Congress before admitting “I’ll submit that I know very little about a postage stamp,” all of which drew attention away from the RNC Reality show and prompted one exasperated Trump Aide to say of his boss, “He just can’t handle attention going anywhere but him.”

Former Ambassador to the United Nations and 2024 Presidential hopeful Nikki Haley kicked off the RNC and The Both Ways Express with the curious declaration that “America is not a racist country,” but “my parents were immigrants who faced racial discrimination.” Another Republican worthy decided to declare that there is “no real evidence of human to human transmission of Covid-19,” this blatant lie being one of the only references to the pandemic during the convention, before featured speaker Donald Junior proved himself a vulgar chip off the old blockhead with a divisive mouthful of incoherent lies, hatred and anger.

On Tuesday, Dr Anthony Fauci, blocked by Trump from mainstream TV exposure, declared that the FDA had grossly misrepresented the potential effectiveness of convalescent plasma therapy that Trump had touted the day before. Then the family of Jacob Blake spoke out in a widely televised press conference that highlighted their humanity, forgiveness and humility, real people suffering horrendous trauma for no reason but the color of their skin, and could have been any of our next door neighbors.

None of which would be mentioned in the Tuesday edition of The Both Ways Express, kicked off by First Lady Melania Trump, resplendent in a vintage Eastern Bloc military uniform from the good old days of the Cold War, and sounding for all the world like a Biden supporter as she emphasized the importance of honesty in government. Even semi-estranged Trump daughter Tiffany participated, proving herself every inch the delusional and patrician Trump as her big sister Ivanka.

For his part in the day’s festivities, Trump pardoned a Nevada man convicted of bank robbery and swore in five new American citizens, all of them people of color, in a miniature naturalization ceremony in the Oval Office, while confirming the assertions in the book “Hoax” by granting Fox talk show host Sean Hannity special access to the White House.

Meanwhile, in Kenosha Wisconsin, a young man armed with a powerful rifle and a weak mind travelled from Illinois to hunt and kill 2 protestors and wound another before fleeing the scene. John Bolton chimed in on Trump’s gross incompetence in dealing with the Coronavirus pandemic, citing  “one mistake after another,” and “to this day, the administration does not have a coronavirus strategy.”

As rifleboy Kyle Rittenhouse was arrested hundreds of miles away from the scene of his crimes, Republicans mentioned “violence in Wisconsin” many times, but not the multiple murders by Mr Rittenhouse or the savage attack by police on Mr Jacobs, what with those events not fitting so well into their Law & Order narrative. To be fair, however, Republicans also failed to mention George Floyd, Breanna Taylor, Micheal Brown, Trayvon Martin or the 181,000 victims of Covid-19.

Wednesday evening’s convention featured Pam Bondi resurrecting Trump’s and Rudy Giuliani’s failed frame-up of Hunter Biden in regard to Ukraine, oblivious to the fact that this is what got Trump impeached. Then Donald Junior’s crazy girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle claimed her mother was “an immigrant” from (!) Puerto Rico and her father fled an oppressive socialist regime (he is from Ireland), absolutely shrieking her way into the Bad Speech Hall of Fame, before last year’s smug face poster boy, Nicholas Sandmann, jumped on The Both Ways Express by claiming “I feel cancelled” while being afforded the most prominent spotlight on Earth.

Thursday was the day Trump would close out Week #189 with a bang, all eyes on him at his White House finale on the South Lawn, but ferocious Hurricane Laura made deadly landfall on the Gulf Coast, devastating Louisiana. Trump immediately mourned the devastating loss… of his headlines. Bigly sad for him, the murder of the protestors in Kenosha were grabbing headlines too, as was the mass walkout of sports stars in solidarity with the Blake family, forcing the suspension of many professional games. That got Trump’s attention, as he finally showed signs of mourning. For lost TV revenues… but still! Mourning’s mourning, right?

Trump’s grand White House finale finally arrived, with First Daughter Ivanka cementing her reputation as a world class idiot without a clue, telling the same story about her son (that never happened) that she once told about herself (that also never happened), one more futile exercise in trying to humanize the Trump family. We were also treated to another 2024 Republican hopeful, the bumbling and awkward Senator Tom Cotton. who actually said (!) “America is safer now than four years ago” from behind triple barricades protected by soldiers in battle gear, but “Joe Biden would return us to a weak and dangerous past,” even though everyone listening was alive during the Obama/Biden years and could not recall anything remotely weak or dangerous about our recent past, no matter how hard one squinted and pretended it was real.

Then came Trump’s shining moment, already marked as bizarre, illegal and insane for being held on public grounds (a crime), and during a severe pandemic with no one wearing masks or practicing of social distancing (more crimes). What could be worse than the blatant politicization of the White House? 

His speech of course. As in being given from a White House resembling a fortified military position surrounded by multiple steel barriers and armored troops, in the middle of a country with cities in open rebellion against a racist President who aggressively promotes racial violence, and bristling with the dead bodies of a hellish pandemic. Trump doubled down on claiming that this America, today’s dangerous and crippled America, his America, is somehow really Joe Biden’s America, and (!) only Trump can save us from Joe Biden’s dystopian future. 

The worst part was, of course, the dimbulbs supporting Trump to whom this somehow all makes perfect sense, like they are all wasted on LSD and fascinated by shiny confetti and firecrackers while the world burns around them. Nothing could be further from reality.

This has been a ride on The Both Ways Express.

Scroll to Top