I remember watching a TV news Special Report with my son Mike, who was a teenager at the time, about a little boy who was mashed by a runaway elephant at a circus someplace out West. It seems the boy was one of 25 or so classmates on a day trip from their school, all sitting together and enjoying the circus when all of a sudden one of the elephants stops doing tricks and starts swinging his head side-to-side wildly, then tramples his handler and storms the stands in a trumpeting, head-swinging fury.
There were a number of injuries before the animal was tranquilized and contained, the only grave injury being suffered by one little boy, in serious condition but expected to recover after a long convalescence. He was in traction and a full body cast, and now the poor little guy was the subject of the Special News Report and being shown on national TV all wrapped up like a little mummy with tubes sticking out of him, and not looking too thrilled about the situation.
There was naturally your standard issue smile-talking reporter standing by the kid’s bed, interviewing doctors, nurses and the boy’s nervous parents, and then sticking the microphone in his face and asking him if he had any messages for his classmates, and the kid managed a weak wave and a thumb’s-up with his one good arm.
Then the reporter pushed his luck and asked the kid who just got trampled by an Asian elephant in the middle of North America while his classmates sitting beside him escaped unscathed, just how it feels to be “the luckiest boy on Earth.”
Now Mike And I are laughing our asses off at this thick slice of ham (sorry, Trampled Boy, but dark humor is our thing), and Trampled Boy had a look on his face like if he could move his body, it would be to choke the life out of this grinning buffoon with his catheter. Not sure I’ve ever seen a child with such a murderous expression.
Meanwhile, the real Luckiest Boy on Earth was the one sitting next to him at the circus who didn’t even spill his soda, at that moment sitting at home with his Mom and Dad and watching his buddy on a Special News Report.