Mark AntonyA bro looks after a bro’s old lady when he gets assassinated and deified, and when that lady is Cleopatra, then maybe a bro looks after a bro’s ex-old lady a little too carefully, making today


Julius and Mark went way back, best buds from the ‘hood when they were just a couple of noble born kids training to lead Roman legions in scores of bloody battles. They fought together, two of history’s more notable generals, and conquered everything there was to conquer, turning Rome from a Republic to an Empire in the process.

Julius Caesar was the Big Kahuna, in effect the first Roman Emperor, with his protege Mark Antony as Larry to his Moe, with Pompey as their ill-fated Curly. It was Julius who conquered Egypt and Cleopatra, and they had a son named Caesarion.

Caesar soon eliminated Pompey, and life was all peaches and cream for these two decadent swells until one Ides of March, when Julius irritated one Senator too many and got skewered on a dozen deifying daggers.

Cleopatra booked the next tramp steamer out of Rome and beat it back to Egypt, where she made Caesarion a puppet Pharaoh while she ran the show. Caesar’s assassination plunged Rome into civil war, and Antony and Cleopatra became allies and lovers of the ill-fated variety.

Caesar’s nephew Octavian won that war (and the name Caesar Augustus), and both lovers took their lives, Mark Antony falling on his sword like a good Roman, and Cleopatra upstaging him with her famous Asp finale after Antony had died in her arms.

•Suggested Activities: Not trying any of this at home, and laying off the dramatics.

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