Trick or Treat! That’s right, boys and girls, it’s finally here, the eeriest, hobgoblinest, most scarificacious day of the year,


Fun-starved suburban Moms have been decorating their lawns with toy skeletons and wildlife-killing plastic spiderwebs for weeks and preparing complex and cumbersome costumes for toddlers only interested in candy, Dads have been dreading being seen in public wearing whatever ridiculous getup their families dream up for them, local retail outlets have been impatiently waiting for their chance to turn their stores into mini North Poles for the marketing juggernaut they call Christmas, and teenage hooligans everywhere have been stocking up on eggs and toilet paper. If it all seems so silly and pointless, well, that’s because it is. The religious and mythological backstories are conflicting, confusing and, worst of all, deathly boring for the most part, so take your choice and run with it for your own personal Halloween theme. Better yet, make up your own Halloween origins myth, it’s not like anyone will know.

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