Sorry, Somalian dudes, but that just doesn’t have the cachet of Wallace Beery swilling grog, hobbling around on a peg leg, and growling about running you through with a broadsword and hanging you from the highest yardarm on
NATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!
“Ahrrr, maties, you bilge-sucking scallawags!”
Now that’s pirate talk. Today we celebrate the second oldest maritime profession; stealing shit from other mariners.
From the earliest Phoenician seafarers in their gaulois to the modern day Somalian landlubbers with their rubber speedboats and AK-47s, pirates have been plying the Seven Seas in search of booty for as long as there’s been booty to steal on the Seven Seas.
There was actually a Golden Age of Piracy, from 1670 to 1730, and regional players like the Pirates of The Caribbean, starring that frightening giant, Blackbeard, who would stick lit cannon fuses in his beard when boarding ships and cutting throats.
When they weren’t attacking merchant vessels for their gold doubloons and pieces o’ eight, they would chill out in Jamaica swilling rum and dallying with wenches until they were broke, and then it was back to the high seas for more throat cutting fun, the Jolly Roger flying above.
So ahoy and avast and shiver me timbers, me hearties, and get with the program, or ye’ll be swabbin’ the decks o’ the Flying Dutchman down in Davy Jones’ Locker!
*Suggested Activities: Pulling your buckin’ hat over your buccaneers.