NATIONAL UNDERWEAR DAY!
Show us what’s underneath, it’s Underwear Day!
Once humans invented clothes back in the Stone Age, we decided they weren’t quite enough, so we invented underwear in order to better protect our sensitive private parts (also to keep our filth from stinking up our outer clothes, since bathtubs were still a long way off).
Soon after the invention of underwear, there appeared Underwear Models, unwittingly inventing the search for bodily perfection that turned into Natural Selection With Attitude, speeding mankind’s evolution tenfold, and still our greatest source of self-loathing.
Early civilizations led the way with chic light linen underclothes, but Europe of the misnamed Age of Enlightenment nearly ruined underwear, and there was so much of it that they nearly ruined procreation too. Just when you thought you were there, you weren’t there.
Something had to go, and it was the layers and layers of bodices, layettes, girdles, pantaloons and camisoles that threatened life as we know it.
Enter the simpler brassiere, bloomers and silk slips, and freedom beckoned. Men also ditched their extra cargo, losing their scratchy Long Johns, those long-sleeved body stockings with a trapdoor, in favor of shorts and T-Shirts.
Undressing was suddenly a snap, and before you could say Victoria’s Secret, skivvies gave way to panties, the panty to the thong, to perverts tweeting their junk globally in their tighty whities. We have underwear to thank for civilization (such as it is) as we know it.
•Suggested Activities: Adjustments