NATIONAL TEAR THE TAGS OFF THE MATTRESS DAY!
Domestic Disobedience is the order of the day.
These are our homes and our possessions, dammit, bought with our hard earned and slept on every day of our lives, the prominent Mattress Tags taunting us and reminding us of our subservience to all manner of outside instructions regarding our private affairs.
Not only will we strip our mattresses of their labels, we will store our vitamins in damp, warm places, peel the warning stickers from our stepladders (It’s a step if it holds me!), leave the toaster plugged in, don’t tear along the dotted lines and refuse to rinse and repeat.
We often wish life came with instructions, but for the more complex things, not shampooing. We got that. And no, we’re not going to do it twice, it got plenty clean the first time. Nice try, though. Tonight we sleep as rebels on tag-free mattresses, with fewer rules to haunt our dreams, the Mattress Police be damned.
•Suggested Activities: Wearing white before Memorial Day.