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National Days

TODAY’S NATIONAL DAY, 2/18/21 – PLUTO IS TOO A PLANET, DAMMIT DAY!

pluto1Pluto, we hardly knew ye! Having been discovered on February 18, 1930 by Clyde W. Tombaugh, Pluto was named and invited to join the Planet Club, the newest, smallest and furthest member from the sun. It was a joyful day for all things Plutonian,

NATIONAL PLUTO IS TOO A PLANET, DAMMIT DAY!

And then, in 2006, disaster struck, when fickle scientists kicked Pluto to the curb, declassifying our erstwhile 9th Planet to be a Planetoid, Dwarf Planet or, worse, Massive Orbiting Body. Pluto was all “Planet-OID… WTF? What’s with the ‘oid’ all of a sudden? What does that even mean? Will I be followed when I shop in department stores now? Get pulled over by the cops all the time? That’s Profiling! I haven’t changed! Have you? I’ve got moons, for crying out loud, moons! Planets have friggin’ moons!”

And who can blame Pluto for feeling the pain? For 76 years it bore the title of Outermost Planet, a cold and proud outpost, circling our sun just once every 90,520 of our days (248 years). Pluto has barely made it one quarter of the way around the sun since we discovered it, so you’d think we can give a heavenly body a chance, more than one lousy season? Well, consider this, Science Inquisitors, it’s also the planet that came closest to escaping the sun’s gravitational pull and rocketing off into space, outdoing the next planet in line by almost a billion miles!

Doesn’t that kind of spunk count for anything? Oh, there was a trial, alright, a kangaroo court made up of a bunch of scientists engaged in something other than science, with exactly nobody representing the injured party, Planet Pluto. Let’s hope Plutonians have a sense of humor when their Dwarf Flying Saucers land and they start interrogating scientists.

•Suggested Activities: Circling the Sun.

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