Singer, Songwriter & Mad Blogger
Call Us Free: 1-800-123-4567
D.O.P.O.T.O., Humor

DOPOTO REPORTS: IT’S GOOD TO BE KING! WHILE IT LASTS.

The Department Of Pointing Out The Obvious (DOPOTO) has been following the Occupy Wall Street movement, a popular protest against corporate greed and criminal business practices, as well as the responses of opponents of the movement. The protesters call themselves the 99%, referring to the fact that 1% of Americans are hogging all the money and impoverishing their countrymen.

Several small cities’ worth of foreclosed homes dotting the land attests to the validity of a rapidly shrinking middle class, and the corresponding spike in the wealth of the richest 1% of their countrymen. Senior Analysts at The Department are a skeptical sort by nature and training, and view this “coinicidence” as anything but a random occurrence.

Researchers at DOPOTO have discovered this is not quite accurate, because the 1% figure is an exaggeration. It is actually less than 1%,  but  about .0006% of Americans who have all the money, so technically, the Occupy Wall Street people should be called the 99.4%. In America, over 40% of the wealth is concentrated in the hands of six-tenths of a percentage point of the population, about 1,860,000 individuals and their families out of 310,000,000 U.S. citizens at last count.

Out of this tiny minority, 412 individuals stand head and shoulders above even them by being billionaires, the very tip top of the totem pole in the Owning Of Things Department. These 412 people and their families own more wealth than half of all American citizens combined. Their average wealth is 2.75 billion dollars, making them less than  one-quarter of a percentage percentage point of the 1%, or, one in 742,000 Americans (you do the percentage point math on that one, that being one of DOPOTO’s regrettable weak points).

It has been further ascertained that while these one-percenters pay taxes on their half of the nation’s income, most of their income is labeled as “capital gains” and so goes untaxed. On the other hand, the 99.4% pays instant withholding taxes at a higher percentage of their earnings than the 1% pays on their stated earnings (a whole different ballpark), with little or no access to loopholes or tax shelters.

Another surprising thing is that for the first time in recorded history, a popular mass opposition movement has been mobilized not against any government, but against corporations, which the population views as the biggest threat to their collective prosperity and well being, filled with people who steal vast sums of money even though they are already fabulously wealthy, and who infiltrate and corrupt their elected government.

The 1% responds to all this by basically declaring that this is good old American Capitalism at work and tough noogies if we’re smarter than you and can rig the game. Who is right and who is wrong is beside the point, and not the place of The Department Of Pointing Out The Obvious to decide. Ours is only to point out the obvious, our only mission.

Our archival research indicates that any public compromise forthcoming will signal a victory for the wealthy over the many, for historically they have employed the better lawyers. There are but 2 possible outcomes to this popular rising: the mighty will fall or the mighty will win and things will continue as they are.

Analysts here at DOPOTO have collated this data with our research on the loss of American jobs to Third World tyrannies, the growing list of ghost houses, the 2 wars being waged on credit and the latest research reflecting the average 30% raise that corporate executives voted themselves this year, and have come to but one obvious (our only specialty) conclusion: It’s good to be King. While it lasts.

This was a report from The Department Of Pointing Out The Obvious

Share This Post
Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.