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THINGS PEOPLE CAN DO THAT CORPORATIONS CAN’T

corporations-are-people-JPEGIn a recent session The U.S. Supreme Court decided that corporations are people, entitled the same rights and privileges as individuals. As batshit crazy as that sounds, that is now the law of the land. We beg to differ. There are many things people can do that corporations cannot do, things that define us as people. Can corporations do these things? You decide:

Get laid in the back seat of a Mustang.

Get a tattoo saying “Geraldine 4 Ever” on your neck.

Breathe.

Wiggle their ears.

Feel hungry.

Go to a baseball game.

Take a good crap.

Get arrested.

Catch a cold.

Be responsible for one’s own actions.

Flirt with the waitress.

Care.

Play bagpipes.

Apologize.

Repay loyalty.

Vote.

Write a poem.

Hold hands.

Dance.

Shoot the breeze.

Sing.

Stay out all night.

Make a film.

Get married.

Paint a portrait.

Stare into space.

Laugh.

Love a baby.

Write a book.

Go skinny dipping.

Fart.

Think.

Drive cross country.

Masturbate.

Go on a diet.

Tell a joke.

Kiss.

Get shot out of a cannon.

Wiggle your toes in the sand.

Rock out.

Die of cancer.

Fall head over heels in love.

Enjoy a sunset.

Babysit.

Read the funny papers.

Look a man in the eye when delivering bad news.

Climb a tree.

Play Scrabble.

Watch an episode of Law & Order that you’ve seen 3 times but you like the Lenny Briscoe character.

Go to Coney Island.

Read the handwriting on the wall.

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