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General Interest, Humor

INTERVIEW WITH THE LAST CAVEMAN

In a stunning coup on the world’s media, bobcrespo.com has secured an interview with George, the last living Neanderthal man. Thought to be extinct for thousands of years, George came out of hiding when the last of his kind other than himself died. Alone in the world and facing the oblivion of loneliness and isolation, George wants to tell the world his story. Here goes:

Bobcrespo.com: Thank you for sitting down with us today, George.

George: Who, us! Me see you only! There Spirit Man here?

BC: No, George, relax, I  made a mistake. Thanks for sitting down with me!

George: Me joke you, me know you blowhard, man who say us when it only him! No believe Spirit Man, me tease! Me like you, bobcrespo.com! No make funny dem no like.

BC: Thank you George, and I like you too. May I ask you how you got the name George? Seems unusual for a Caveman.

George: That me human name. Real name Denzel.  Many Caveman name Denzel. Me last.

BC: Why a human name?

George: Me pass sometimes. Many humans think me drunk biker, give me food, beer. Me take.

BC: Is that how you’ve been living since the next-to-last Caveman died?

George: Me still hunt, pick berries sometime, mostly act like drunk biker. Me no miss many meals.

BC: I’m amazed at your command of English, George.

George: Neanderthal no dumdum, bobcrespo.com, we just little slow on uptake! By time we realize you no mean Kumbaya, we almost extinct! You say “me show you new kind club,” we say “okay sure,” you bash skull new club! Den you say “want see new arrow” and again we say “okay sure….” You getting caribou scent here, bobcrespo.com?

BC: So you’re saying Neanderthals are too trusting?”

George: Me say was! It only me now, no trust human.

BC: I’m sorry to hear that.

George: You sorry? How think me feel?

BC: Well, you can always…. pass.

George: Me thinking of it. Me up for colors in bike gang.

BC: Don’t they know you’re a Neanderthal man?

George: Dem know, dem say make me ideal candidate. Biker no question if you okay. Dem say me okay. Me join, have food, beer, biker chick.

BC: You have a human girlfriend?

George: Her name Lulu. Many pictures on skin. Soft. Her like beer too.

BC: So, you’re not going public with who you are? You could make a fortune, you know, “The Last Caveman: The Movie,” TV, DVDs, interviews, books, public appearances, you’d be a sensation!

George: Me no think so, bobcrespo.com. No want be Yeti for nobody, like bird in cage. Me no Yeti, me Caveman, me real! Me ride hog, me free, me have Lulu.

BC: Well, it’s your life, George. You seem to have adjusted well to being the last of your kind, I must say.

George: You think me idea? Not confusing big number options for Last Caveman here! Me want live, me want free like was! Bike gang best shot.

BC: Well, George, your secret’s relatively safe here, hardly anyone reads these things. If you ever change your mind and want to get rich, George, I’d love to be your agent.

George: Line form to right if George ever decide go pubic, me have pick of agent! Me no dumdum, me tell you, and me no trust. Me no go public, this me last sit down talk.

BC: Sorry to hear that George but I wish you the best in your new life. Is there anything you’d like to tell my readers before you ride off into the sunset with Lulu on the back of your hog? A message to humanity from the Last Caveman?

George: Me have wish. Me like brown bear. Tell human no kill all.

And there you have it folks, the first (and apparently last!) interview with The Last Caveman. True to his word, George walked out of bobcrespo.com HQ and roared off on his Harley to parts unknown with Lulu hanging on.

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