It’s me, Jimmy, The Blogging Dog, back from my travels. That’s right, humans, Jimmy, The Bogging Dog has been across the ocean and back, all in the name of science, or at least that’s what they tell me. For me it was all about the bitches.
They love to breed me, those scientists, and I insist on the real thing. None of this artificial insemination for Jimmy, The Blogging Dog. Being the one and only Canine Einstein available for these people to study has its perks. Wherever I go I’m asked to mate with the finest bitches in the world. Think of me as the the Wilt Chamberlain of Dogdom, but with about 20,000 children.
Ever since people discovered that I can read and write English, they’ve been calling me “The Canine Einstein.” While I am a genius by dog standards, don’t get carried away and expect me to start solving all kinds of stupid-hard problems.
By human standards, I’m only a little smarter than your average Cable TV host, so let’s keep things in perspective here. You wouldn’t ask those people to solve anything complex.
Anyway, these Finnish scientists were okay, yet another bunch of geneticists trying to duplicate another dog genius, like that will do them or the world any good. Like I said, I’m not exactly Steven Hawkings over here. Besides, I would have been fine just being a regular dog. The things I’ve learned by being the Canine Einstein haven’t helped me one bit.
I’m still the property of human, I can’t work a doorknob, don’t have freedom of movement when I do manage to get outside, and most of my brethren have been sexually mutilated by our human masters. Dogs are a captive race, and we can only take comfort in the fact that most of you don’t raise us for food like you do a lot of other animals.
I wish I could tell you what Helsinki was like. My owner sure knows. He was staying in a 5 star hotel, seeing all the sights and living it up every night with the money he earns from owning Jimmy, The Blogging Dog. I stayed at the house of one of the scientists, the one I called Old Fat One, and got to run around his yard a little bit, so Helsinki seemed pretty much like any other place to me.
The rest of the time I spent typing back and forth on computer with my special paw-friendly keyboard with the scientists. I don’t actually speak English, being a dog and all. We bark, period. But the scientists and I do talk about all sorts of things electronically.
They ask me a question, I type my answer. They do some tests on me, I type up my reactions. I’m pretty used to it by now, and I put up with it because our sessions always end with me having sex.
From FInland we went to Paris, Berlin, London, Rome and Prague, all legendary world capitals. I would tell you about those beautiful and enjoyable cities, but my description would sound just like my description of Helsinki for all I got to see of those places too.
You’d have to talk to my owner about that, and what the women in al these places were like too. Jimmy, The Blogging Dog wasn’t the only one getting a lot of vajay-J on my Grand European Tour.
The scientists in all these places were pretty nice people, and all of them asked if I wanted a copy of their findings or some “paper” they were publishing about me, whatever that is. Dogs are polite, but we never got the whole concept of lying, so I had to tell them thanks, but no thanks.
What the hell am I going to do with some dry, scientific mumbo jumbo that doesn’t mean scat to me? I hate that stuff! You think dogs nap a lot now? Watch me nod when I have to read some tedious technical manual! One of these days, one of these people is going to realize that it really is all about the bitches for me, but hopefully not anytime soon.
Well, whatever happens will happen, and there’s not a hell of a lot I can do about it. I’m just happy to still have my family jewels and so many sweet bitches to share them with. Until next time, this is Jimmy, The Blogging Dog.