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General Interest

MORE HEADLINES WE’D LOVE TO SEE

Bobcrespo.com feels your pain. We know only too well you’re wondering when it will be safe to read the papers and watch the news again. Simply put, there’s just nothing good happening lately, and to add insult to injury, it’s World Cup time, which has become somehow even more irritating with the addition of the screeching vuvuzela horns. But we can pretend, can’t we? Let’s just slap up some decent headlines for just one day and make the world go away! Who wouldn’t welcome these headlines?:

OBAMA KICKS BRITISH PETROLEUM BOSS’ ASS ON LARRY KING LIVE

BEN & JERRY’S ROCKY ROAD FOUND TO CURE CANCER

MIRACLE CROP REVEALED, GLOBAL STARVATION ELIMINATED

LEBRON JAMES SIGNS WITH BROOKLYN NETS

NO GOALS SCORED IN ANY GAMES, WORLD CUP DECLARED A 32- WAY TIE AND CANCELLED FOREVER

SARAH PALIN SUFFERING FROM LARYNGITIS

A CRISIS OCCURS FAR AWAY AND US NAVY SHIPS DON’T RESPOND, “NONE OF OUR BUSINESS” SAYS PREZ

MASS RESIGNATIONS ON WALL STREET! STOCKHOLDER REVOLT FORCES OUT CRIMINAL CEOS

FORTUNE 500 COMPANIES RETURN THEIR FACTORIES TO AMERICAN SOIL, MILLIONS EMPLOYED

MANNED MARS MISSION LAUNCHED

OSAMA BIN LADEN CAPTURED, AL QAEDA DISBANDED

BOTH WARS ENDED, TROOPS ON THEIR WAY HOME

AMERICA HALVES MILITARY BUDGET, INVESTS IN EDUCATION,  HEALTH CARE, SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH AND INFRASTRUCTURE

PROMINENT MUSLIM CLERICS CONDEMN VIOLENCE, EMBRACE COMPLETE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE

PROMINENT CHRISTIAN CLERICS CONDEMN VIOLENCE, EMBRACE COMPLETE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE

PROMINENT HINDU CLERICS CONDEMN VIOLENCE, EMBRACE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE

PROMINENT JEWISH CLERICS CONDEMN VIOLENCE, EMBRACE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE

PROMINENT SCIENTOLOGISTS ADMIT THAT EVEN THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL SCIENTOLOGY STANDS FOR

PROMINENT WORLD LEADERS CONDEMN VIOLENCE, VOW TO DELIVER WORLD  PEACE

GUY WITHOUT SPIKY HAIR WINS AMERICAN IDOL

GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK WINS GOOD CITIZENSHIP AWARD

PROFESSIONAL LOBBYISTS SHUNNED BY CONGRESS, CORPORATE TAX BREAKS CANCELLED

CHEAP, EFFECTIVE SOLAR POWER UNVEILED, OIL WELLS ABANDONED, OPEC FINISHED

KEY TO PERFECT HEALTH FOUND – BEER!

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