All you need to know about the ethics of our elected representatives in both Houses of Congress and both major political parties is that they loaded the emergency funding bills for the relief of both the 9/11 attacks and Hurricane Katrina with frivolous pork barrel earmarks. There is no calamity so big that they forget to be small. Wonder if they did that when they declared war on Japan and Germany on December 8th, 1941?

All you need to know about radio blowhard and narcotics addict Rush Limbaugh is that when famous rock guitarist Jerry Garcia died, he called him “Just another dead doper.” Of course, that was before he was outed as a doper himself and a girly man who used his maid to get him his dope.

All you need to know about Doctor Phil is that he had his license to practice psychology revoked in Texas after being sanctioned for unethical practices and has never gotten another one. The surprise here? Who knew there were psychologists in Texas, never mind an Ethics Committee?

The only thing you need to know about Iran is that the people there are just fine. For the most part they are educated, modern, worldly, sophisticated, friendly and peace loving. They are not our enemies by any stretch of the imagination. Their government bites it, but so what? The Chinese government sucks too but the Chines people are okay and make all our cool stuff. Hell, our own damned government sucks sometimes. Should we hate ourselves too?

All you need to know about steroids is that they work. 73 home runs in one season. $30 million per year salary. Anyone else want to ask why?

All you need to know about big oil and big government is that Exxon-Mobile, Chevron, Total, Shell and BP are about to sign no-bid contracts with the Iraqi government to pump oil from their soil. This will effectively regain what these giant corporations lost when Iraq nationalized their oil fields in 1972, even though they’ve been stealing millions of dollars worth of oil every single day for years since the Iraq war began while raising retail prices to unprecedented levels. So much for Donald Rumsfeld declaring that “the oil wells belong to the Iraqi people.” And so much for the fantasy that our sons and daughters who are soldiers are not the expendable pawns of corporations and their cronies in government.

There is nothing you need to know about Todd Palen.

All you need to know about banking, insurance and investment company CEOs is that they can’t think of anything different to do since their corrupt and bumbling behavior nearly drove their companies and the nation into bankruptcy other than to change the names of their companies. After having to be bailed out by Uncle Sam, they still don’t get it. And for some reason, damned few of them have gotten pink slips.

All you need to know about Twitter is that it exists. That’s about it, unless you’ve got endless time on your hands and are curious about what color socks Ashton Kutchner is thinking of wearing this afternoon.

All you need to know about Scientology is that Tom Cruise is the leading intellectual of that movement. Face it, short stuff, Moses, Thomas Aquinas or Gandhi you’re not. And go jump on your own damned couch the next time you’re feeling giddy.

The only thing you need to know about Nicolas Sarkozy, the President of France, is that he’s got a really hot wife. His politics? His effectiveness? Who cares? He’s got a really hot wife.

All you need to know about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt is that they put their money where their mouth is when they created The Jane Pitt Pediatric Cancer Center and then donated a million bucks to help refugees of the civil war in Pakistan. So much for all celebrities being frivolous airheads. Kudos.

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