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MODERN RULES FOR GENTLEMEN, PART 5

The role of the gentleman in society is an ever-evolving one. The days of top hats, horse-drawn cabs and dainty damsels are long gone, but the need for a standard of acceptable behavior persists even in the changing realities of the times. Bobcrespo.com is pleased to add to our previous entries in the Modern Rules For Gentleman category. Consider: 

A gentleman resists all temptation to go on a deadly shooting rampage, no matter how dull the people in his hometown.

A gentleman never lets the question of his paternity go unanswered for so long that it gets settled on The Maury Povich Show.

When on line at the soup kitchen, a gentleman doesn’t brag about the job he used to have at the bank.

When in charge of a giant corporation that goes broke and loses even its employees’ pension money, a gentleman does not complain that his Golden Parachute is too small when he gets fired. He shuts up and makes do with the 12 million dollars.

When in the presence of one’s wife a gentleman never sends text messages to his lover.

A gentleman doesn’t reveal the names of the covert operatives on his personal assassination squad so as not to embarrass their families.

When one’s multi-billion dollar Ponzi scheme is uncovered, a gentleman always has a phony passport, an offshore account and a home in a country with no extradition treaty prepared. A true gentleman always has a Plan B.

If a gentleman’s Plan B goes awry, he does his time with good grace and does not under any circumstances get a jail house tattoo. Those things are dead giveaways when a gentleman effects his escape.

When a gentleman orders a mail-order bride from abroad, he treats her like a lady and does not threaten to have her deported when she falls behind with the roof repairs and home remodeling he has assigned her.

If a gentleman should find himself working as a pimp, he need not dress like a refugee from the 1970’s. A minimum of bling should suffice to establish one’s position, and gold teeth with embedded diamonds are considered gauche.

A gentleman who leaves office in disgrace after having brought his country to the brink of ruin doesn’t brag about it on a lecture tour.

The mark of a true gentleman is his ability to resist the temptation to appear on reality television shows.

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