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Humor

PACKING

“Laura, did you pack my pilot costume?” 

 “Yes, George, it’s with the ‘Mission Accomplished’ sign.”

“Good call. How ’bout my cowboy hat collection and brush clearin’ clothes?”

“Yes, dear. They’re on their way to Crawford.” 

“Thanks, mama. This movin’ is a real headache. Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Did you clean out your desk yet, George?”

“Well…”

“Geeooorgiieee?”

“I been meanin’ to, I really have, but Mr. Cheney keeps sendin’ in those fellas with all them papers for me to sign, them pardons and executive orders for lettin’ our friends have an easier time of manufacturatin’ without all them pesky regulationeers buggin’ ’em all the time about some little mess or other that happens…”

“But George, we’re leaving tomorrow! You march right in there to that oval office and get busy!”

“I swear you’re soundin’ more and more like Mr. Cheney every day.”

“What?”

“Nothin’, mama. nothin’…”

Would you like some help?”

“Guess so. I really don’t know were to begin…”

“What else is new? Now let’s get to it. I’ve already had the Secret Service guys send in some boxes…”

“You think of everything…”

“And you don’t think! Now come on!”

“Leggo my ear, woman! I’m comin‘!”

“We’ll start with the top of the desk. Here, put these pictures of me and the twins in that box over there. That portrait of your Mom is just too scary. We’ll put that one in storage.”

“Gotta admit, she scares the crap outta me too…”

“Do you want to keep all this other stuff? Do we really need this bobble-headed Karl Rove doll? I never could stand that creepy son of a bitch.”

“I guess that can go, but the dried finger of Sadam’s a keeper.” 

“Like hell it is, George! That’s just disgusting!”

“But it’s a gift from Mr. Cheney, part of a ten piece set!”

“Then sell it on E-Bay. I’m not cluttering up our new house in Dallas with dictator body parts!”

“What about Mr. Cheney’s bronzed heart? He gave it to me when NASA replaced his with that hydraulic one…”

“Like I said, no dictator body parts in my new house!”

“Okay, mama. Maybe I’ll send it over to Rummy. He’s got a real impressive collection of Abu Graib memorabilia, some really cool stuff…”

“I don’t want to hear it, George! Now, what about all these toys?”

Toys? Them’s my relaxoration devices! Maybe you don’t know it, woman, but presidentin’ is real brain-bustin ‘activity! A man needs to unwind a little…”

“You’ve had 77 vacations, George, and Cheney and Rove have been calling the shots for 8 years! The Lego sets and the Pick-up Sticks are going!”

“Dang woman, you’re as cold as Sadam’s finger!”

“Let’s get on with it, shall we? The Obamas will be here tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? You sure he won’t be takin’ a vacation? That inaugurationating is pretty tiring, all the spechifying and promise makin’…”

“Some presidents like to work hard, George.”

“Don’t know why. Not much point to that with all the assistants they give ya. Besides, the country runnin’ is done by the Vice President! What good is bein’ president if you got to break a sweat every day?”

“Whatever you say, Georgie, but we’ve got to be out of here tonight!”

“When’s the furniture movers comin’?”

“What furniture?”

“Well, all of it. You can’t fool me, Laura! We’ve moved a bunch of times. Big trucks come by with some big strong lumpy guys who haul our stuff away.”

“Georgie, this is the White House! How many times do I have to tell you that this stuff belongs to the American people?”

“That’s not what Mr. Cheney says!”

“Well, he’s out of a job now too, you know!”

“Really? Can they do that? Who’s going to run America without Mr. Cheney? Who’s going to look out for our friends?”

“Georgie, our friends have already gotten all the billions they want and then some! There isn’t anything left to give away.”

“Then I guess our job here is done…”

“What have I been telling you all week? Now get busy and start packing!”

“You know, I’m gonna miss this place.”

“Me too, Georgie.”

“Think Obama will let me come by and sit behind the desk once in a while, you know, do some guest presidentin’?”

“I doubt it Georgie. He’ll be pretty busy cleaning up after you.”

“Than why’d they get rid of Mr. Cheney? Seems foolish. He knows exactly who to kill and who to push around to get stuff done. With all them new body parts he had installed, he figures to last through at least 3 or 4 new presidents!”

“Obama wants to do things differently.”

“Well, that’s kinda puzzlin’…”

“What isn’t puzzling to you, Georgie? What isn’t…”

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