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20 QUESTIONS THEY DIDN’T ASK THE CANDIDATES

It's presidential election time, and along with the campaigning and incessant TV ads we get Presidential Debates, those forums where the candidates go head-to-head answering questions from TV moderators with the imaginations of fence posts. They pose the same old tired questions about foreign policy, the economy and the candidates' domestic agenda. Here's 20 questions the voters might like to pose to our next president:

1. What is your plan for doing something about our ugliest state, New Jersey?

2. Is there any chance of the Federal Government taking over something profitable like a big oil company, Walmart or Microsoft or something to offset the huge losses of the bank takeovers?

3. Will your administration do anything about Reality Television or are we stuck with this abomination?

4. Will anything other than cantaloupes ever again bear the label "Made in America?"

5. Where do you stand on mandatory re-education camps for former banking executives? And would you start with remedial math or anger management?

6. Who gets Bill O'Really's job as Minister of Propaganda?

7. Is is too much to ask that in a war where we annihilated their army and hung their leader, two fairly solid indications of victory, we can just call it a day in Iraq and let them figure out what's next for their nation?

8. How about creating a new government agency, The Department of Peace?

9. When you are President, will you require your Vice President to live in a disclosed location?

10. What are your positions on the designated hitter and artificial turf in Major League Baseball? What about mandating a few daytime games in the World Series for the kids to enjoy?

11. What about the immigration problem? Specifically: Can you find a way to shut up the critics of immigration in a nation completely made up of immigrants?

12. How do you plan to address the Donald Trump problem? Can he be made to go away?

13. What are your plans to correct the overabundance of nerdy wimps in the rock and roll star business? Do you have a Wild Man Initiative in place to correct this unsettling turn of events, perhaps a system of warning labels for the records put out by the timid sissies?

14. As Commander in Chief of our Armed Forces, what changes would you make in the stale repertoire of songs of their marching bands? Is a Stevie Wonder song out of the question?

15. Will you continue to enforce the James Crow laws against gay people?

16. As president, will you call for a truce in the War Against Fat Guys?

17. How would you rate your brush-clearing skills with those of Ronald Reagan and Bush The Younger?

18. What is the bigger threat to our national security: Congress or the Executive Branch?

19. Is there any plan in place to restore the Bill of Rights?

20. Will torture be outlawed in your administration, specifically waterboarding and synchronized swimming?

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