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Humor, Politics

JUST WONDERING… JUST WONDERING…

I read that there are nine and a half million millionaires in this world of six billion souls. That’s roughly one millionaire for every six hundred and thirty one and a half of us. I suppose that makes millionaires a small minority, not quite as scarce as Buddhists in Idaho or redheads in China, but still somewhat of a rarity. Do social scientists study these people like they do other unique minorities? Should I keep an eye on PBS or the Discovery Channel for a documentary on the hardships and misunderstanding they have encountered in being so out of step with the rest of humanity, you know, like having everything when most people don’t have much at all? Just wondering….

The Vice President, who has never shot at anybody besides his hunting buddies, now wants our brave young soldiers to start shooting Iranians in bunches. Now here’s a guy who went the extra yard to stay out of the Vietnam War because he had “other priorities,” applying for and receiving a half dozen deferments from the military draft at the time. Presumably one of those priorities had to do with becoming part of that small minority mentioned above. I suppose that’s like a religious conversion so even though he very much supports war anywhere, any time his status as a millionaire makes it okay to want to send others in his stead to risk their lives killing people they have nothing against. For all we know these dastardly Iranians may be threatening his status as a millionaire, or maybe somehow exhibited a strong prejudice against that beleaguered minority. That ought to fire up the troops. Just wondering…

And speaking of Mr. Cheney, can anyone ever remember a Vice President not running for the office of President or even wanting to? Few get there, but enough have made it into the seat to make it a natural springboard to the big chair. I suppose with his bad heart and repellant personality he’s realistic enough to know even his own children wouldn’t vote for him, so I guess he’s satisfied to make all the decisions for the Bumbler in Chief who somehow did get elected twice. And no matter how ruinous and cynical these decisions have been the blame goes to his inarticulate puppet. But don’t you think he’d love to be called President Cheney and let the world know who’s really been running the show all these years? I’m thinking no, this guy’s too smart for that. Presidents have to answer to the people while Vice Presidents have traditionally been window dressing and occasional Senate tie-breakers, the perfect cover for wielding secret power. No one really pays much attention to what Vice Presidents do. Until now, anyway.

I guess he figures to go down in history as sort of our own Cardinal Richelieu, the power behind the throne. It certainly will be a unique position in American history and he sure fits the bill as far as not giving a rat’s ass about the people of his own nation when their interests interfere with the exercise of his personal power and the advancement of his own agenda on behalf of his minority group. So maybe the guy’s doing America a favor by providing us with an object lesson in what kind of people to prevent getting anywhere near the halls of power. You think?

I wonder if the news media is bored with reporting news. I don’t see all that much of it anymore, at least not in the front of the newspapers or in the lead stories of broadcast news. Perhaps they got very depressed always reporting the serious issues and the real bad stuff that happens in this world, so they decided to lighten up the old news hour and front pages with smiley face fluff reporting, the kind of thing that got aired or printed in the past only on slow news days. These features are now the main attraction of most newspapers and newscasts. The antics of mean-spirited billionaires and drunken Hollywood bimbos are hardly startling revelations. Does any of that affect you even a little bit? Just wondering…

Trivial matters like worsening economic straits for workers, the drugging of our children to make them conform to questionable norms, assaults on our Bill of Rights by our own government, widespread hunger and genocide, the cancer and AIDS plagues, two ruinous wars our country is waging with no stated goal in either one, criminal activity in our government and the passing of laws allowing credit card companies and banks to implement usurious practices that used to land gangsters in jail, all these stories are relegated to sidebars to make room for candy coated crap if they are mentioned at all.

Thing is, candy coated crap still tastes like crap once you bite into it. Today we have a whole bunch of twenty-four seven news channels and little real news reporting. What one covers they all do, and changing channels gets you the same story running at the same time with the same point of view, either implicit or stated. And when the White House says something it is reported as fact, no questions or investigative reporting necessary.

For the younger of my readers, there once was such a career as investigative reporter. These reporters looked stuff up, interviewed people, took pictures, asked hard questions of the powerful and checked the facts of the answers they they recieved. They looked at all sides of a story and reported the truth to the public. Politicians hated them but respected them and were a lot more careful with the truth than today’s crop of lying sacks of shit with no one to call them on their lies. Indeed, their lies are simply reported as actual news, a real man-hour savings for the media, eliminating the jobs of those fact checkers, researchers and investigators with their quaint belief in truth and their delusional insistence that the role of the press was separate from the role of government. How naive, how tedious. Fourth Estate, Shmourth Estate say the Rupert Murdochs of this world. The world is what we say it is.

If the president’s mouthpiece said the sky was green, CNN, MSNBC and all the rest would tell us in authoritarian tones that we are now entering a “green-sky era,” using the government’s misleading and simplistic slogans verbatim, never asking anyone in power any pressing questions, not even thinking out loud whether or not the sky has turned green or having it occur to them that they could simply look straight up at the actual sky to confirm or deny their suspicions. Fox News would probably call for laws to be passed to punish those who point out that the sky is indeed still quite blue, or at the very least call their patriotism and sanity into question repeatedly. Then they’d run another story about Paris Hilton.

Does anybody ever watch the Dr. Phil show? Is it any good? I could be wrong, but he just seems like such a douche bag to me. Just wondering…

Have there been any “must-see” movies made lately? I can’t recall any I’m not willing to wait for on cable since…. since… I know… no, that one sucked… hmm… since a very long time. Oh, I got it! “The Departed.” That’s one of few big-hype movies to live up to the hoopla. I’ve got my eye on this new one they’re touting with Denzel Washington and Russel Crowe, “American Gangster.” Those two have made some great movies. Also some lousy ones. Hope this one is a keeper. I hate to see top talent in crappy flicks. I remember years ago the big buildup to “The Heist” starring Al Pacino and Robert Deniro for the first time since “The Godfather, Part II,” a truly great movie. “The Heist?” It sleeps with the fishes now. Did anybody actually like that one? Just wondering…

Did any athlete ever break a major sports record and be less celebrated then Barry Bonds? Well Barry broke two of them in recent years, the single season home run record and the lifetime home run record, two of the most cherished records in all of sports. He owns them both now, 73 and 762 respectively, yet he’s about as popular as Dick Cheney on a hunting trip. You think maybe it’s because he’s got a swelled head? Just wondering…

Nobody I know can make it on television. How do I know this? Simple. When they speak, they do so normally, not smiling until a smile is called for. On TV people talk while smiling, even when they’re talking about floods, heart medication, dog food, high-speed internet service or a power outage in fifteen states. I tried speaking while smiling non-stop a couple of times. It’s really difficult and before you know you bust out laughing at the absurdity of it. I’m guessing there must be an academy to train people in this difficult art. I’d like to find out where it is and throw a bunch of banana peels in the hallways, give the students there something to smile about between classes. Do you think they’d thank me? Or maybe curse at me with their smiles fixed in place. Just wondering…

Another thing I wonder about is if TV people smile constantly when they’re not working. Can you imagine being married to one of these buffoons? How long would it take you to strangle somebody who never stopped smiling? You wake up in the morning and there it is, Bling! She (or he) says good morning through her/his smile, you eat breakfast and try to read the paper and not focus on her/his pearly whites. Maybe you have an argument later on, you know, the running kind of arguments that weave their way through all marriages, and she’s/he’s smiling as she or he calls you every name in the book and wonders out loud what in the world they ever saw in you since you’re such an incredible loser.

You take a walk together and your spouse is all smiles the whole way, even if it starts hailing. You do the grocery shopping, maybe some unpleasant chores together and never does a scowl cross that beaming face. The kids make your life hell on earth as only kids can sometimes and still your mate is all smiles, even when berating and punishing your very confused children. You put the kids to bed, then watch the tube together awhile and the smile machine is still blinging away at 1,000 megawatts even during news reports of a killer earthquake and a deadly famine.

You both get tired and hit the hay. Nudge nudge, rub rub, kiss kiss and before you know it you’re making love, but still that smile isn’t wiped off her/his face! Is there a jury anywhere who would convict you if you decided to wipe that smile off their face forever? I doubt it. That is if the charges ever get far. I can hear the preliminary hearing judge now: “The charge here is murder. Now let me get this straight. You were married to a TV person? The smiley kind? Hmmm.. that changes everything.Case dismissed!”The only thing is, when TV people die, do they still wear that shit-eating grin in their coffins? Maybe closed coffin would be the way to go during that wake. Just wondering…

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