If America has a smell, it is a barbecue.

No one has anything in common with most politicians and are uncomfortable in their presence, even the ones they like and vote for. Successful politicians are high-intensity salesmen who never take a minute off. After a very short while we’re all “Geez, can”t we talk about baseball or something? You already made the friggin’ sale, you’re in, you’re elected, you won, okay? We got it! Knock it off with the spiel already.”

Is there anything sadder than the ideological purge being carried out in today’s Republican Party? Good strategy, kick out the smart ones, let the scary messianic nut jobs lead. Can we be absolutely certain that James Carville didn’t orchestrate this whole thing?

One night stands are better than nothing.

When you’re in Coney Island, you don’t care about a damned thing in the world. Which is the whole idea of Coney Island.

One accurate gauge to measure effective nations and societies is the number of people trying to get in versus the number of people scheming to get out. Americans are damned lucky to be living in the prime destination of the latter group, and a place where anyone can leave if they feel like it. Almost no one does. Where would you rather live?

Cherry trees are so beautiful for 3 weeks a year they don’t even have to produce cherries to earn their keep.

Loneliness is everything they say it is, only ten times worse. Connect.

The reason for the existence of time is so we can tell jokes and watch sports without everyone knowing the ending. It also lets men know when to shave and to change the batteries in the smoke alarms.

The “life of the party” is usually hammered.

Very few people think there are nearly enough corporate officers from the financial industries under arrest for grand theft, criminal conspiracy and fraud. There are many thousands of people in prison for lesser offenses. Dollar for dollar, John Dillinger, Willie Sutton, Bonnie and Clyde, Jesse James and The Dalton Gang were pikers by comparison.

Remember, it’s not defeat that matters. It’s de hands!

So now the mayor of our town, Little Mikie Bloomberg, the diminutive Wall Street billionaire who purchased 3 terms as Mayor of New York City, is crying the blues over the Federal Government’s push to regulate the financial industry, which is mostly headquartered in Manhattan. He didn’t mention going easy on guys who rob banks with ski masks and shotguns, figuring they’re just small time nuisances, but wants the BIg Dogs of bank robbery, the bankers themselves, to remain unchained to they can continue to steal the teeth out of our heads.

Not that President Obama, to the great disappointment of almost everybody, plans criminal prosecutions of these bastards for the Greed Fest of 2008 that cost America trillions of dollars and a nearly ruined our economy. He simply wants to regulate the industry to make sure they can’t do it again, which is exactly what they are doing as we speak. To soften up the opposition for this effort, the Securites and Exchange Commission has filed a civil suit against the biggest of the Big Dog bank robbers, Goldman Sachs, for committing fraud against their investors. It’s an open and shut case, with the head honchos’ fingerprints all over their multibillion dollar scam. This is what has Little Mikie so upset. These are his buddies.

There was a time in America when bank robbers were hunted down and put in jail for long stretches, or worse. Ask Willie Sutton. Ask the bullet-ridden corpses of Bonnie and Clyde, John Dillinger and Pretty Boy Floyd. What makes these executives any different from them? They stole billions, even trillions, not the chump change these Depression era outlaws took. Why is Bernie Madoff the only Big Dog in jail? Why are any of these unindicted coconspirators still in their jobs? And why is the Mayor of New York City defending their larcenous asses? What’s he got to hide? Maybe the Feds should find out.

Little Mikie says that if we put rules on the behavior of the financial industry they will leave New York. For where? Where is a place anywhere on the planet without rules, laws and regulations? Somalia, maybe. The rules the government wants to impose will be binding in all 50 states. Where are they doing to go, Wyoming? No one reading this lives in a world without rules and regulations. The laws in America apply to everyone, even if you are filthy rich. They can’t kill an inconvenient spouse, park next to a fire hydrant or rob a bank without incurring the requisite penalties, same as everyone.

It’s time to put these guys on trial and throw the guilty in jail. What else do you do with bank robbers? And when it comes time to sentence them, what judge will show them leniency when they were already very wealthy but decided to steal anyway? Let them call Little Mikey to be their character witnesses if they like. That ought to impress exactly no one. Bloomberg needs to shut his mouth about these lawbreaking bastards. All the money in the world passes through Manhattan. Why let a thousand Willie Suttons in Brooks Brothers run this show? There’s a new sheriff in town and it’s about time he cleans up Dodge. Go get ‘em, Obama, and never mind the civil suits. These people are lowlife criminals no different from your garden variety mugger or burglar. Fuck ‘em.