The Life Coach here, you there. Last week we spoke about Perseverance. To become a LIfe Achiever and a Master Accumulator, perseverance is key. Today we discuss Attitude. The mind set and assertive demeanor of a Life Achiever is what sets him apart from ordinary men. It is his attitude that announces to the world that he is an achiever, and a person accustomed and entitled to great wealth and privilege. A Life Achiever is not meek or mild. He openly embraces greed, and counts his lucky stars to be living in The Golden Age of Greed. It is the greedy who possess most of the wealth, the finest homes, the great works of art, the jewels, the jets, the limousines and the Olympic-sized pools.

It is the greedy whose names populate and dominate the social news, the lists of wealthiest and most influential people, and who get their way. There are statues of the greedy in public parks and uncounted grand edifices named after greedy men in every city, town and village in the world. The greedy demand more of life, and they take it and keep it. Students of The Life Coach Better Life System walk among the privileged few, the elite, the Getters and Keepers of this world. At The Life Coach Better Life Seminar, you will learn the ways of greed, the nuances of amassing more than you could ever need in a hundred lifetimes! And it will be yours, all yours, just for the hell of having it!

There are those who say that 2008 spelled the end of the Age of Greed. The economy blew up, our patrons were voted out of office and money became tighter than Bernie Madoff’s collar. The losers of this world cried out that the days of the Master Accumulator had come to an end. How wrong they were! The government couldn’t hand the wealthy elite billions of dollars fast enough and before a year was out it was business as usual. And what bailed the greedy out of this jam? Attitude! They were caught red-handed, there was no money left in their corporate treasuries and the rabble was calling for their heads. Lesser men might have caved in, but these were Master Accumulators who were not about to back off or relinquish a penny of their vast fortunes. Attitude saved the day!

Did they apologize for taking all the money? Did they run and hide? Did they promise to reform their risky behavior with other people’s money while hanging on to every red cent of their own? Did they sell even one of their Rembrandts? Hell no! They stood tall. They were arrogant, demanding and imperial. They insisted that the Federal Government bail them out, and then came back for billions more when they blew through that dough in a matter of weeks! When called before Congress, the Master Accumulators treated the proceedings with contempt, dismissing the angry ravings of the assembled legislators as they would the tantrums of petulant children who cannot possibly understand the complex world of Getting and Keeping.

It was A Great Day For Greed, a day when the greedy rose like a Phoenix from the ashes to hatch more schemes that promise to attain for these visionaries even greater heights of Getting and Keeping! The Life Coach is proud to say that more than half the assembled CEOs were graduates of all 3 tiers of The Life Coach Better Life System: Better Life Seminar, Advanced Better Life Seminar and the final plateau, the Platinum Better Life Seminar. Like many of you, these people were once clueless losers, living ordinary lives in ordinary homes and driving regular cars, paying high tax rates and struggling to make ends meet, the finer things in life seemingly out of their reach.

Then, for a mere $300, they turned their lives around, attending a Better Life Seminar when The Life Coach rolled into their town. There they learned the basics of Getting and Keeping, and were on road to becoming Life Achievers. Having learned that the true goal in life is more, they went on to take the Advanced and Platinum seminars to gain the full set of tools and range of skills that brought them to the very pinnacle of life, earning the title of Master Accumulator. The $1,500 they spent for their Advanced Better life Seminar and the $10,000 spent to attend the Platinum Better Life Seminar? Returned many, many times over, pocket change to the very wealthy.

So what are you waiting for? Don’t you want yours? Aren’t you tired of living like a sap, paying taxes, working hard and doing the right things? Well, the “right thing” to do is to look out for #1, and embracing the Age of Greed is the first step towards building Attitude, that impenetrable wall between the Haves and Have-Nots. The proper attitude is essential before you can develop the skills to accumulate wealth, and attitude will help you keep what you have gained and gain more and more and more! More what, you ask? Well, more of everything, of course; homes, jewels, money, cars, private jets, works of art, stocks, bonds, miles and miles of real estate, yachts, or anything else that you feel like possessing.

And don’t forget that Life Achievers enjoy the company of an unending string of beautiful lovers, the sort of women that losers can only dream about. A Life Achiever uses and discards these exquisite beauties like old socks, one after another for his whole life, even into his decrepit old age. Why? Because he can, and losers cannot! Of course nobody needs scores of beautiful lovers, several palatial homes, dozens of expensive vehicle or more money than many small nations. Need is not the point, Greed is the point! You can have all these things because you want them, and the attitude you cultivate will convince yourself and others that you are entitled to take and take and take.

Attitude will sweep aside the questions of lesser men. Attitude will attract beautiful women. Attitude will identify you as a Master Accumulator, one of those who are perched at the very top of the the food chain! Call now and reserve a seat at my next Better Life Seminar. Life owes you, and will not pay unless you make it pay. Call 1(800) NUMBER1 right now an learn how. Let The Life Coach introduce you to a Better Life. Money can and does buy happiness, and Better Life Seminars are where you learn to embrace the greed in your heart, and to become a Life Achiever, a Getter and Keeper and a Master Accumulator. Do you have the will, the greed and the Attitude to join the elite? The only thing you have to lose is being a loser.

The Life Coach here, you there. Life has been very good for The Life Coach lately, very good indeed. My last round of Better Life Seminars were a great success, for me anyway, and that’s the whole idea of my Better Life, Advanced Better Life and Platinum Better Life Seminars. Remember, Getting and Keeping is the goal, and I can teach you to became a Getter and a Keeper. For the 2,500 smart and lucky Life Achievers who just completed last week’s introductory Better Life Seminar at only $300 a pop, the process has already begun!

What are you waiting for? Are you afraid you’ll miss being a pathetic loser? Are you enjoying being a doormat too much to find another way? Maybe you think you can’t be a Getter and Keeper, that you don’t have what it takes. The hard truth is, you probably don’t, and Life Coach doesn’t need you at his seminars. I’m not in the business of making losers feel like winners, and whining moralists need not apply. Better Life Seminars are for those who want to win and don’t care who approves!

Today’s lesson is Perseverance. Perseverance is a mind set, an attitude that never relents and never wavers from the constant pursuit of accumulation of wealth and all it can bring you. Your new motto will be Money Does Buy Happiness. Only a loser would tell you otherwise, while the shrewd Getter and Keeper seeks opportunities for material gain every day! Let the losers of this world wring their hands and shed crocodile tears for the poor and the needy. The poor and the needy are poor and needy because they lack the will to take what they want only because they want it, not because it would be nice to have, or it would come in handy, or because they “deserve it.”

Deserving has nothing to do with it. If it did, nobody would be poor, very few would be rich, and it wouldn’t be half the fun. But this world is what it is, and bold, raw persistence beats deserving every time. A Life Achiever is Persistent. A Life Achiever is Relentless. A Life Achiever is rich, and the vast majority of other people are not. As discussed earlier in this space, other people do not matter, except for what they can do for you or get for you, and their lives and feelings are none of your concern. It truly is all about you! While The Life Coach Better Life System is not quite as simple as all that, at my Better Life, Advanced Better Life and Platinum Better Life Seminars you will learn the nuts and bolts of getting rich, staying rich and getting even richer. Your first Better Life Seminar gets you started, gives you the tools you need to take, take and take some more!

When you develop a taste for caviar, you’re ready for The Advanced Better Life Seminar, where, for only $1,000, the finer points of acquisition, finance, leverage and profiteering are laid out for those who wish to distinguish themselves from the pack, to become an Advanced Life Achiever, a man of means and knowhow, on the fast track to your second million. Advanced Life Achievers are confident, relaxed and focused, live as they please, enjoy the finer things in life, and the company of many attractive lovers.

After mastering being an Advanced Life Achiever, those who would walk among the giants and join the tiny elite fraternity of Master Accumulators, these are the people who attend the Platinum Better Life Seminar, the final plateau in the Life Coach Better Life System. Platinum graduates gladly pay $10,000 for the keys to attaining incredible, wealth, luxury, travel, jewels, fine art, multiple mansions, private aircraft, mistresses on every continent and a staff of shameless ass kissers doing their bidding.

A Master Accumulator is basically a rich man’s rich man, the fastest yacht in the harbor, the biggest, shiniest diamond on display. Get started today on the Road to A Better Life Through Accumulation. Call 1-(800)-NUMBER 1 and learn more about The Life Coach Better Life System. Remember, your life gets better when you start looking out for #1 first, last and in between, so do something just for yourself right now only because there is something in it for you! You will learn that there is no other reason to lift a finger, ever. Have you been asking “Where’s Mine?” The Life Coach will show you where it’s at.

The Life Coach here, you there. My job is to coach people who can’t figure out life, so my list of potential clients is practically unlimited. Listen, I’m not here to answer rambling esoteric questions like “Why am I here?” or “What does it all mean?” I leave that meaningless crap to losers like the clergy and philosophers, none of whom have earned the material rewards that The Life Coach has, and as everyone knows, the name of the game is accumulation.

I deal with life as it is, and it is hard, so our mission is to make our lives easier, and believe me, having a half-dozen huge homes, many fine automobiles and the company of many, many attractive women sure takes the sting out of life’s inevitable disappointments. If it’s spiritual fulfillment you’re looking for, don’t bother The Life Coach, you’re too far gone down Loser Lane. Spiritual fulfillment won’t put gas in my Maserati or champagne in the hands of my smoking hot girlfriends.

The Life Coach is all about Material Fulfillment, that which can be measured, touched, tasted and hoarded! To be brutally honest, The Life Coach’s clients are mostly men, since women are a key part of my Set of Goals that I teach in my Better Life Seminars, and some seem to resent being treated as commodities to be collected, enjoyed and discarded when their time is up. Sorry sisters, don’t blame The Life Coach. Nobody ever said life was fair, and it’s not my fault that the fair sex is fair game for Life Achievers.

When you attend one of my Better Life Seminars, be prepared to discard your old notions about other people, such as the idea that they matter all that much. They most certainly do not, except for what they can do for you. It’s all about you, what you can attain, accumulate and use. And forget the notion that all men are equal. We may have been created that way, but the clever man soon sets himself apart with aggressive accumulation. We’re all going to grow old and sick and die anyway, so we might as well live it up while we can, with every means at our disposal.

My Better Life Seminars teach you to do just that. For the introductory price of a mere $300, you will be given the Rudiments of Overachieving, the art of getting all you can by any means necessary. Homes, cars, women, boats, cool gadgets, swimming pools, airplanes, artwork, travel, whatever it is you desire, these things can all be yours if you keep attending the Advanced Better Life Seminars to learn the fine points of Getting and Keeping. You will learn that playing fair is for losers, and guilt for fools. Always bear in mind that your goal is self-fulfillment, not the fulfillment of others.

Let those other people take care of themselves. The Life Coach Better Life Seminars, Advanced Better Life Seminars and Platinum Better Life Seminars are all about looking out for #1. And don’t be fooled into thinking that other people become #2 on your list of priorities. Life Coach teaches you the New Math For A Better Life, that the only number in your equation is 1, and leave the rest of the numbers to mathematicians and wimps. Better Life Seminars are not for the feint of heart or the mixed-up souls who haven’t got their priorities in order. Life Coach can teach you to put yourself in the driver’s seat, not only of any number of luxury automobiles, but of life itself!

If you want to make all your dreams come true and don’t care how you do it, call 1-800-NUMBER 1 and get started on making the rest of the world eat your dust as you cruise away into a life of luxury, the life you deserve! Do not contact this web site directly since the owner of this half-assed outfit is one of those bleeding heart liberals who thinks sharing is good and honest dealings are the only way to get ahead. He’d like to be rid of The Life Coach, but I hoodwinked the fool into signing a contract so that I can promote my Better Life, Advanced Better Life and Platinum Better Life Seminars all I want and he can’t do a damned thing about it. Trusting fools rarely read the small print. It’s a beautiful thing, getting your way, especially at the expense of suckers. Sweet.

He thought he was getting one of those chumps who gives a crap about other people and would provide a useful service to all his readers. How funny is that? You will learn in my Advanced Better Life Seminar how useful suckers can be in furthering your personal agenda, and how you can pretend to be a sharing and caring jerk just like them until you get what you want. You will learn that greed is not the sin those other people would have you believe it is, that they only call it wrong because they do not have the brains, the balls or the iron will to get what they want by any means necessary. Blessed are the poor? They sure as hell are since you have yours and theirs too!

Suckers and bleeding hearts, don’t waste your money. My seminars are for the bold, the strong and the winners among you. Enroll in my Better Life Seminar and learn to take what you want! Luxurious homes, fancy cars, travel, jewels, nightclubs, beautiful women one after another! That’s what I can teach you possess, just like I do. Be nobody’s chump, be a man of achievement; a user and a taker and a keeper! The envious looks of lesser men are alone worth the price of admission. Wealth for wealth’s sake is yours when you follow the 10 Steps to Acquisition you will learn at The Life Coach Better Life Seminars. Call toll-free right now and get ready to move off Loser Lane for good!

Life Coach here, you there. Today we talk about getting what you want. Always remember, other people are not important when it comes to getting your way, that’s Rule #1 for looking out for #1. Oh sure, you’ve got to put up with other people, there’s no getting around that, but if you change your attitude towards others, it won’t be so bad. Don’t look at them like you have been your whole life, as worthy individuals with the same rights as you, with feeling and desires and aspirations. That outlook is for saps. Look at other people as a means to getting what you want. They can do things for you, get you things and generally make themselves useful to you. Never do anything yourself that someone else will do for you.

For those that cannot serve your ends, well, who needs ‘em? Sure, they have their wants and needs too, but who cares? That’s their business and their responsibility to get theirs, not yours. Besides, you can’t feel what they’re feeling, therefore it isn’t real and has nothing to do with getting what you want. But first you have to decide what it is in life that you really want. Is it money and material things? Of course it is! What the hell else is there? Well, there’s poverty and misery, and Life Coach says you can have my share of that!

Or maybe you are one of those people who seek other things in life, useless crap like dignity, integrity, goodness, love, brotherhood and inner peace. In that case, you’re the perfect sort of person that Life Coach recommends his students seek out. You are ideal for helping others get what they want, and will likely feel good about yourself when you’re being used like a tool. Life Coach and his students appreciate it. Not grateful appreciate, mind you, but mindful of the fact that you fools can’t do enough for others, and thats right up our alley. Well take all you’ve got to offer, and then some. You may not like what I’m selling, but you can’t fault my honesty. The Life Coach doesn’t need saps as students, he wants those who want to take what the saps have.

That’s the name of the game in Getting Yours; taking. As far as we know we get only this one measly life, so you’ve got to take whatever you can get your hands on. Remember, money buys plenty of happiness and material things are a constant source of comfort and joy. Take Life Coach for example. I have six beautiful homes on three continents, two private jets, a dozen cars and a whole bunch of servants. I run around with all sorts of beautiful women, all of who eventually leave me when they realize that I’m not all that interested in the stupid shit they talk about or what they want (like that could ever be important to me!), and that works out just fine. Next! Happiness and fulfillment are mine.

So, before we get into the nuts and bolts of exactly how to acquire all you want, first you have to develop the proper attitude towards life. Before you can embrace The Life Coach’s philosophy, you must rid yourself of the emotional and intellectual baggage that has been preventing you from realizing your dreams. Stop looking at those other people as precious beings deserving of whatever goodness and rewards they can get from this life. If that was true they’d have already done whatever it takes to get what they want! The fact that they haven’t just proves that they are lazy drones undeserving of anything but whatever drifts their way in the course of their impoverished and unfocused lives. No, thanks, that’s not the way of achievers and accumulators.

Focus is paramount, and your focus must always be squarely on yourself. If you turn your attention away from what is important (you!), you wind up getting bogged down in the messy and chaotic lives of these pesky other people. Some of them might even expect you to share what you have or who you are just because they do! Who needs that horror? Emotional attachments are real focus busters and a drain on you. The Life Coach doesn’t welcome students who are unfocused. My seminars are for the seriously dedicated, and by dedicated I mean committed to themselves and their own pleasure, comfort and possessions.

You see, don’t you,  where this is leading? You think The Life Coach is going to give away all his secrets in a free internet blog? Get real! I only took this job at this Mickey Mouse web site to promote my Self Help Life Coach Seminars, at $300 a pop, in which I outline my surefire program for personal success. Individual sessions are also available for serious students, prices to be discussed at the seminars. If you don’t get this whole concept, you aren’t Self Help Life Coach Seminar material and don’t deserve success and fulfillment. There are givers and there are takers in this world, and takers are my kind of people. It’s just that simple.

So if you want everything you’ve ever dreamed of and don’t feel like sharing it, mail me a check or money order for $250 to reserve your seat in my next seminar and get the ball rolling! You can even submit the money via PayPal with your credit card, The Life Coach is not picky about where he picks up his long green, just so long as he gets his. Just pay your money and come equipped with the proper attitude: that it’s about time you got yours and screw everybody else! Money, power and possessions are waiting for you to claim them, women will beg you to use them! The Life Coach will show you how it’s done, then it is up to you to do it. All you have to lose is being a loser.

In our never-ending pursuit of becoming the Best Website Ever, bobcrespo.com, currently the Second Best Website Ever, is including yet another feature for our loyal readers; The Life Coach. While previously we here at bobcrespo.com considered a job like Life Coach to be a pretty presumptuous thing to be or a scam at best, it seems that there is a great demand for being told what to think and how to live. Go figure. So we went out and hired one. The Life Coach, who prefers to remain anonymous, gives us all tips on how to effectively have better lives instead of just talking about our nebulous self-improvement plans or dreaming about winning the lottery. The Life Coach comes to us with a very impressive resume, having lived a full and rich life and accomplishing many things, not the least of which are climbing Mount Everest and nailing Courtney Love backstage at the Grammy Awards. Now he is willing to share his experiences with the lucky readers of bobcrespo.com. Consider his words of wisdom:

The Life Coach here, you there, so listen up. Today’s lesson for a more rewarding life: Leaving the house. This is aimed at house-bound couch potatoes wallowing in their own nothingness. When a junk e-mail pops into the inbox of your computer informing you that you can pursue a college degree while sitting on your chubby duff at home, if you have a shred of honesty with yourself you have to admit, that no, no you can’t pursue a college degree while sitting on your chubby duff at home, and the whole point of pursuing anything or anyone not already present in your refrigerator or in your living room means that you have to leave your house. That would be the very minimum definition of pursuit, no, leaving the house?

Even those of us fortunate enough to be able to work from home have earned that privilege by at some point in our lives actually leaving our homes in pursuit of something, whether it be an education, a job, a meal, a suit of clothes, a good time, a new experience or a spouse. This whole notion of having an ideal existence within the confines of your own home sort of assumes that within your own home is every amenity known to man, including several rewarding vacation destinations.

Unless your home is the size of a small nation or located within some sort of magic zone (and darned few homes are!), you need to leave the place every so often, probably on a regular basis. The Life Coach didn’t gain all his experience and wisdom sitting on his ass playing dumb video games, watching reruns of “Friends” and casting votes on who gets thrown off some island or who sang a song with maximum competence and minimum weirdness. That is not living, that is witnessing life! Big difference.

There’s a world out there, people! There’s people, places and things, the 3 pillars of living an interesting and rewarding life. Put it this way: The Taj Mahal or the World’s Largest Ball of Twine isn’t going to visit you. That beautiful, smart and interesting significant other isn’t going to ring your doorbell and ask if you can come out to play. You have to go out and find them! The museums and parks and ball fields and forests and beaches are a lot more impressive in person than on your video screens.

And guess what, couch brigade, there’s a lot of interesting restaurants with fabulous foods who do not deliver, so you actually have to wear something other than shorts and a T-shirt and attend them to experience fine dining or exotic culinary experiences. And if in these hard financial times fine dining is a little pricey for your budget, you can learn to cook something other than hamburgers and macaroni & cheese. That’s even something you can do in your own home, although shopping for ingredients might involve several stops at local food stores and green grocers. You will even save money obver your usual diet of Dominos, Chinese take-ouut and KFC.

So listen to The Life Coach and watch this space for more tips on turning around your mundane, ordinary and video-dominated lives. The things you need to do to change don’t come in a can or at the click of a mouse, so have patience and practice small things, like walking around the block, maybe finding out if the neighbors are still the same ones that were there years ago, the last time you bothered to check your immediate surroundings. Little by little you can venture out further afield. Before you know it you’ll have gone to interesting places, met interesting people and done interesting things. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, that of turning off the boob tubes that surround you and tasting what life has to offer.