When the shit hits the fan, you can panic, or you can do something about it, but you can’t do both.

Your problems aren’t so bad when compared to dead people. Theirs are totally unsolvable.

Life is like a sink full of dirty dishes. It looks awful at first, but it’s not so bad once you get your hands wet.

Age drives a hard bargain.

There are foods that taste worse than tofu. Not a lot, but some.

When the best possible outcome in life is to die in your sleep someday, we might as well enjoy the hell out of all the days that come before that one.

Life is all about the food.

There’s nothing else we obsess about 3 times a day.

The only thing we really have to fear is other people telling us what we should fear. Fears are a case-by-case affair, no coaching necessary, thank you.

No one will ever understand you like the ice cream man.

Those who are about to die always make their last messages about love, thus defining the truest and most powerful measure of their lives. When push comes to shove, outrage, anger, fear and despair all take a back seat to love.