Plenty of news lately about gangs of all sorts; Crips, Bloods, M-13, Aryan Brotherhood, Hells Angels and the old standbys the Mafia and Tongs and their like, as always murdering, stealing, raping, extorting, drug dealing, shylocking and generally terrorizing the land. Bunch of chicken shit punks, the lot of them. Can't stand up to this world on their own and so like rats they run in packs. That's how it always was with gangs, that's how it is today and that's how it's going to stay. They're real tough guys in large numbers intimidating the weak and helpless but there isn't a man jack among them tough enough to make it on their own in this world. If they could they would but they can't so they don't. They surrender their lives to the collective identity of a gang thinking it will earn them the respect they are incapable of earning on their own. Guess again, Flash. Fear and revulsion is not respect. Respect is earned by those deserving of it, so don't confuse your tiny little brain with delusions of adequacy.
Anybody can be a bad ass when he's heavily armed and backed up by a bunch of cowardly bullies much like himself. It takes a real man to make it in this world without a gang, to walk the line and do his work and take care of his family and hold his head high because he's not getting his at the expense of anybody else but instead by by his own sweat and smarts. Men and women who live their lives without having to look over their shoulders or hide their faces in shame are the real tough ones, honorable adults worthy of respect. The kind of respect that lingers after they have left the room. They need no gang to protect them or to give them an identity they cannot forge for themselves. The silly tattoos, oaths, phony codes of hollow "honor" and secret decoder ring hand signals are for grownup children unable to face the world as adults. Get a life and grow up already. Stand on your own two feet like a man, you sniveling punk!
Does anybody give a rat's ass about surges and political progress in Iraq anymore? Will even complete success on the part of our military make the Iraqis whole again and restore their nation to any semblance of order? Do they have a snowball's chance in hell of becoming a politically stable entity? According to reports from the desk of The Department of Stating the Obvious, NO, no they don't. Our war of aggression has broken that nation and all the King's horses and all the King's men aren't putting that Humpty Dumpty back together again anytime soon.
What aren't any of the presidential candidates talking about that? Why didn't anybody listen to Colin Powell when he warned the Bush Administration: "You break it, you buy it!"? Well we broke Iraq into smithereens, fellow Americans. What do we do now? What's the plan, Stan? Anybody out there have any spare sons and daughters they wouldn't mind having killed or maimed in a hopeless cause because we're sort of running out? No? Didn't think so. Dang! These optional wars of aggression are a real bitch, ain't they? Real brain busters! Maybe we shouldn't do this anymore. You think?
Chinese authorities are turning to American security firms to provide protection for the Beijing Olympics. Watch out what you wish for, Chinese tyrants! Blackwater mercenaries make more problems than they solve. And they're not so easy to get rid of once you hire them since they are armed better than most of the world's armies. I could be wrong but I don't think another Tiananmen Square Massacre would go down so well with the Chines public if it was the trigger-happy Blackwater Guards mowing down unarmed civilians like they did in Baghdad one sunny afternoon when they were bored. And what about America? Who's going supply all the shoddy crap they sell at Wal-Mart if the Chinese get pissed off at us? If I was the current big shot Chinese tyrant I'd go with an Italian firm. Or better yet, do like we do and outsource the job to India! A couple of frustrating phone calls to some guy with a thick accent claiming his name is Jimmy ought to thwart any potential terrorist by causing him to blow himself up with his suicide bomb in frustration, thus sparing the lives of innocent Synchronized Swimming fans. Okay, okay, I know there are no innocent fans of Synchronized Swimming, but you get the point.
It's only about 6 weeks now until baseball players start reporting to Spring Training. First come pitchers and catchers, then two weeks later the position players arrive. Shortly after that the personal trainers show up with the latest undetectable batch of Hercules drugs! Then comes the agents and lawyers to patiently explain that of course their clients are bigger and stronger than Lowland Gorillas because they are actually Clydesdale Humans and not regular people. Makes sense, no?
Funny how the football players seem to be getting a pass on this whole steroid thing. In a sport that has always put a premium on size and bulk, today's football players are incredibly huge, dwarfing the football greats of even 20 years ago. Hall of Famers like Dick Butkas and Mean Joe Green look like anorexic accountants by comparison. Not being a scientist, maybe I'm unaware of some new evolutionary leap that has produced humans that are not only six-foot six and weigh 350 pounds but are also quick and nimble. Used to be be that either you were six-six and 350 or quick and nimble, never both.
Or maybe it's not evolution after all and I'm barking up the wrong human oak tree here. Maybe it's a new instance of Creationism! Maybe God thought it would be amusing to create some humans the size of Toyotas who could also outrun Cheetahs and exhibit the grace and balance of mountain goats. Half our worthy Republican Presidential candidates seem to believe in Creationism and have even given it a spiffy new name: Intelligent Design. Who are we to argue with such towering intellects? Well, I don't know about the intelligent part but designing a new human body seems to be the aim of modern athletics. If that's the way to go I say really go for it and shoot for extra limbs!
Okay, four arms might make judging a boxing match more difficult but that's a small price to pay witnessing the hand(s) of God in action creating new and exciting forms of human life. You think he intelligently designed these big old brains of ours only to have us not use them? No way! The more I think about it the more I'm convinced that he means us to really be in his image and likeness, just like it says there in the good old Good Book. About time we're finally getting with the program and playing God! If we keep on tinkering, who knows, maybe someday we can come up with a twenty-foot tall track and field champion who can hurl lightning bolts and change the course of mighty rivers! Can't wait…
