Boy, when it rains it pours. After a lifetime of struggling to make ends meet and being constantly broke I’ve had the astounding good fortune to win not one, but two lotteries in the space of only three days. Eureka! And to think that I didn’t even buy a ticket for either one! How’s that for luck? I can’t wait to get my hands on the dough.
The first one was a lottery from Rotterdam, the Netherlands in which my e-mail address was selected at random to win 300,000 Euros. I don’t know how much a Euro is worth compared to the dollar but I’m thinking 300,000 of those bad boys has to be a nice pile of cash. That happened two days ago. Now today, just now as a matter of fact, I won a million dollars from a lottery run by the Construction Bank of China! They also randomly picked my e-mail address and I was one of ten lucky winners of a cool mil. I’m rich!
The Chinese lottery people asked me to keep it a secret until I provide them with my personal information to claim the prize, but I’m so bursting with joy I had to tell someone. The Chinese bank has what sounds like an American guy working there that I am to contact, one John Clark. Very considerate of them since I speak no Chinese at all, not even a little bit. He even gave me a phone # to call: 8613697479440. That’s too many numbers for a regular call so you know he’s just got to be in China waiting to hear from me and hand over my dough. I’m so excited!
Maybe they’ll fly me there to take part in the big ceremony, me and the nine other lucky stiffs on some podium in front of the great financial institution, flashbulbs popping and me shaking hands with the mayor of Guangzhou and the president of the Bank. Maybe even the governor of Guangdong Province, where Guangzhou is located. That is of course if it doesn’t interfere with the ceremony in Rotterdam for the lottery I won there. After all, they picked me first, and right is right. I’m still waiting to hear from them on the details for me getting me my money. I sure hope the Chinese lottery people are a little quicker in getting back to me. I’m starting to get antsy.
Maybe I’ll just e-mail Mr. Clark and get the ball rolling. He must be a really important guy since he has not one but 2 e-mail addresses. Let’s see, the e-mail came from a Ms. Rose. She’s just got be his beautiful and efficient secretary. Her e-mail is lottomailjackpot@yahoo.com.hk. Mr. John Clark’s are johnccbtt@yahoo.com and ccbtt@acountant.com. Who do I reply to first?
I guess I’ll go right to the top, Mr. Clark himself. I’ll tell him what he needs to know, give him my secret lotto winning serial number 652-66283 and my personal confidential winner’s code: 247751407/BV. I figure there’s no harm in publicizing those numbers now since the e-mail was addressed only to me and the 9 other winners and positively assured me that it is a done deal, I’m a winner. Maybe if it’s too much trouble to fly me to China I can just give Mr. Clark my bank account routing numbers so they can just direct-deposit the million into my account. I guess he’ll need my Social too, just to make sure the wire transfer goes smooth. They assure me that details are important. Who can disagree with that?
Now I’m sorry I criticized China’s government in yesterday’s blog. How bad can they be if they’ve got an official Construction Bank of China that’s giving me a million dollars American scot-free? I wonder exactly what sort of things the Construction bank builds? Maybe some of those giant dams China’s always building to correct the foolish mistakes that Mother Nature made? Maybe one of those efficient lead-battery factories on all that extra land that nobody wants to inhabit or farm anyway? Perhaps they have a hand in building a broad smooth highway to their newest province, Tibet, so that their soldiers can more easily bring a better way of life to those stubborn Tibetans. They must be one Jim Dandy of a construction bank, that’s all I can say.
Well, I guess I’ll get busy claiming my prize. Hope there’s not too much tax on it, but what the heck, I’ll still have a bundle left over. That, plus the 300,000 Euros from the good people in Rotterdam and I’ll be sitting pretty, my friends, my money worries at long last coming to an end. First thing I’m going to buy is a brand new wardrobe of stuff with labels inside that proudly proclaim: “Made in China,” just like the rest of my clothes.
